When I was younger, I was a very strong willed little girl.
(Side Note: If my husband could add his two sense, he would argue that things haven’t changed much….obviously I disagree, haha! ) Anyways…
When I had a child of my own, I knew my chances were 50/50 that I would end up having a child just like me. That was a scary thought.
Well he is six now, and let’s just say, he is a spitting image of me *** Lord help me!
When my son was going through the toddler years. It was such a hard season of life. He had such a tough personality. If you know anything about the strong willed, we aren’t easy to parent. I thought I had things under control, until my temper started surfacing. It was like I was flashing back to my childhood. I had an awful temper as a child and throughout most of my adolescent years. I had done a good job controlling it as an adult and was caught off guard when it started surfacing. I was in panic mode. The stakes were so high, I was responsible for teaching and raising this young child. How could I parent him when I was such a mess myself? I felt utterly defeated.
I was at a crossroads when I found myself struggling with my temper. I could go through the motions and do nothing or I could try and do something about it. I had to make a choice. The thing is, I kept trying and I couldn’t change. I can’t even explain how desperate I was. I’m sure you can imagine, this was my baby, I needed to figure things out, but my attempts at change failed time and time again.
One day I completely lost it. It is hard to explain the feeling, but it was almost as if it wasn’t even me who was controlling my body and actions. It was terrifying to the point where I immediately dropped to my knees for the first time in my life. It was the only thing I could think to do. I felt so much guilt that I didn’t even think God could forgive me. I started crying uncontrollably. I immediately started begging God to change me. I admitted that I didn’t believe He could change me, but I was going to pray anyway. I told Him I didn’t trust him, but was desperate and had no one else to go to. I was at one of the lowest points of my life. In my desperation, I admitted how much I needed Him. I told Him I wasn’t strong enough to change on my own. It was the rawest and most authentic prayer I had ever prayed. I don’t even know where the words came from, but they were spoken from the deepest part of my soul.
It wasn’t until after this experience that I finally realized it wasn’t through my own strength that I was going to change, it was God’s strength that was going to change me. I didn’t know how to get God’s strength, but was dead set on figuring it out. I started making a conscious effort to make Jesus part of my everyday life. I would read His word, listen to Christian music, attend Bible studies, and put myself in situations where I was around others following Christ. The more I focused on Him the more self-control I miraculously had. It was seriously amazing. I can’t even explain it. It just happened. I would start to get super mad and would be about to lose my temper, but I would stop. I had a choice, was I going to choose actions that would glorify God or was I going to give into the flesh. I had a choice every single time. I didn’t always choose God, I gave into my flesh sporadically, but it got much easier not to give in. The more I chased Jesus the more internal strength I began to have. I was experiencing God’s strength in my life. I began to trust in God so much more! It was the first area in my life I was letting God lead. It was incredible, what an amazing answer to prayer!
If I would have just went through the motions, gave up, or lived my life on autopilot, I would have missed the blessing. I would have missed the opportunity to witness Gods miraculous strength. I now have a different perspective on the messiness of my life. I’ve learned to find beauty in it. The beauty comes from personally experiencing God's transformation in my heart. I was no longer hanging on by a thread, but with Gods strength, I was thriving. I was experiencing the fruit of the spirit. It was beautiful to see the change in myself, but that wasn't even the best part. The ultimate beauty was revealed when I was able to give God all the glory. I cannot take credit for what happened in my heart. The glory goes to God. I would not be the mother I am today if I didn’t have Him in my life. I cringe thinking where I would be right now if I wouldn’t have decided to cling to Him. If I would have taken my own path, I would still be desperate and lost.
The only thing God asks of us is to go to Him in weakness. He wants us to humble ourselves enough to admit we are broken and need His strength. When we go to Him He will give us strength. I no longer doubt what He can do in my life. He has done immeasurably more than I could ever imagine. I will no longer settle for anything other than what God has planned for me.
God only wants the best for you.
Chase after Him!
It will change your life.
PS.
And it will be more than you could ever imagine!
Ephesians 3:20
Now all Glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.
2 Corinthians 12:9-11
Each time he said "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Ephesians 3:16-17
I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong.