My son and I are created from the same mold. Two peas in a pod if you wanna call it that. We are waaaaay too similar (UGH) I find our similarities collide and we often butt heads. We both have a tendency to battle for control. I might be wrong, but I am the parent, so technically I am in charge #iWin. It’s not that easy though, my strong willed child believes he was made to be the boss. There is no way in my right mind that I would allow a six year old to boss me around. I don’t even like being told what to do by adults. It’s our strong will that gets in the way. We are both determined to get our way and that’s when things start heating up.
I am getting better at “picking my battles” but obviously I am still a work in progress. That being said, it can get messy sometimes. It’s usually the days I am a hot mess, that I am unlikely to succeed in being patient. I admit, those are the times I end up losing it. I give into to the flesh and take the easy way out. I start yelling and saying things I don't mean. One time, I told my son I hated him. Yes, I actually said that. It still brings me to tears writing about it. I could see the sadness in my sons eyes. How could I do that to him? Why do I do things I don’t want to do? I wrestle with these thoughts as I watch my son retreat to his room. I cannot take the shame and guilt, I run to my room in tears. I come undone, I'm a mess. What do I do next?
I used to sulk in my guilt and shame. I would continually remind myself how worthless I was and how I was not strong enough or good enough to parent such a strong willed child. I used to entertain these thoughts, until God taught me a different way. I didn’t have to sulk in my misery, I could get up and do something about it. I learned to stop shaming myself and allowing the guilt to consume me. Instead I pray to God for forgiveness, ask for strength and then I pick myself up and head to my sons room to apologize.
In these moments I bare my soul. In my vulnerability, I see God working. He can use an apology to heal the deepest part of the soul. Forgiveness is just as powerful. My son without hesitation forgives me every single time. I don’t deserve to be forgiven, but my son never hesitates. He runs to me and tells me how much he loves me. I see a glimpse of Christ in him when he does this. I only have to come to him with a sincere heart and ask “please forgive me”. He doesn't even have to think about it, I am forgiven. I don’t have to make it up to him. I don’t have to beg him. I don’t have to buy him toys. I am forgiven without deserving it. It’s because my son extends grace to me. He loves me regardless of my sin.
That is exactly how our heavenly Father sees us. He is always extending grace to humanity. He loves us regardless of our mistakes and regardless of the sins we have committed. Grace is a gift from God. It is unconditional love that is extended to us that we do not deserve. The more we understand that we don’t deserve forgiveness from God, the more we can appreciate His love for us. I’ve learned to stop trying to earn forgiveness from God. There is nothing we can do that will make God love us more and there is nothing we can do to make Him love us less. We do not have to work to be in good standing with God. There is nothing we can do anyway, even if we tried. That's exactly why Christ had to die on the cross. He paid the debt we owe to God for our sin. It is only because of God's love for us and what Christ did on the cross that we can be forgiven.
Is there something you are afraid to admit to God? Is shame or guilt keeping you hostage? I know the feeling, I used to feel the same way. God used to seem distant, unloving, and scary to me, but that is not who God is. God wants you to come to Him with anything and everything, no matter what it is. God doesn’t define you by your sin, He sees your soul. He wants to give you freedom from the sin that is weighing you down. He loves us so much He sent His son to die for our sins. Don’t believe the lie that you are unforgivable. God loves you, regardless of what you have done. Go to him in your weakness with a repentant heart and ask him to forgive you. He only wants a relationship with His children. He is waiting with arms wide open to comfort you, show you love, and break the chains that are keeping you captive.
Acts 3:19
Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away.
Romans 5:8
But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.
Ephesians 1:7
He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins.
I am getting better at “picking my battles” but obviously I am still a work in progress. That being said, it can get messy sometimes. It’s usually the days I am a hot mess, that I am unlikely to succeed in being patient. I admit, those are the times I end up losing it. I give into to the flesh and take the easy way out. I start yelling and saying things I don't mean. One time, I told my son I hated him. Yes, I actually said that. It still brings me to tears writing about it. I could see the sadness in my sons eyes. How could I do that to him? Why do I do things I don’t want to do? I wrestle with these thoughts as I watch my son retreat to his room. I cannot take the shame and guilt, I run to my room in tears. I come undone, I'm a mess. What do I do next?
I used to sulk in my guilt and shame. I would continually remind myself how worthless I was and how I was not strong enough or good enough to parent such a strong willed child. I used to entertain these thoughts, until God taught me a different way. I didn’t have to sulk in my misery, I could get up and do something about it. I learned to stop shaming myself and allowing the guilt to consume me. Instead I pray to God for forgiveness, ask for strength and then I pick myself up and head to my sons room to apologize.
In these moments I bare my soul. In my vulnerability, I see God working. He can use an apology to heal the deepest part of the soul. Forgiveness is just as powerful. My son without hesitation forgives me every single time. I don’t deserve to be forgiven, but my son never hesitates. He runs to me and tells me how much he loves me. I see a glimpse of Christ in him when he does this. I only have to come to him with a sincere heart and ask “please forgive me”. He doesn't even have to think about it, I am forgiven. I don’t have to make it up to him. I don’t have to beg him. I don’t have to buy him toys. I am forgiven without deserving it. It’s because my son extends grace to me. He loves me regardless of my sin.
That is exactly how our heavenly Father sees us. He is always extending grace to humanity. He loves us regardless of our mistakes and regardless of the sins we have committed. Grace is a gift from God. It is unconditional love that is extended to us that we do not deserve. The more we understand that we don’t deserve forgiveness from God, the more we can appreciate His love for us. I’ve learned to stop trying to earn forgiveness from God. There is nothing we can do that will make God love us more and there is nothing we can do to make Him love us less. We do not have to work to be in good standing with God. There is nothing we can do anyway, even if we tried. That's exactly why Christ had to die on the cross. He paid the debt we owe to God for our sin. It is only because of God's love for us and what Christ did on the cross that we can be forgiven.
Is there something you are afraid to admit to God? Is shame or guilt keeping you hostage? I know the feeling, I used to feel the same way. God used to seem distant, unloving, and scary to me, but that is not who God is. God wants you to come to Him with anything and everything, no matter what it is. God doesn’t define you by your sin, He sees your soul. He wants to give you freedom from the sin that is weighing you down. He loves us so much He sent His son to die for our sins. Don’t believe the lie that you are unforgivable. God loves you, regardless of what you have done. Go to him in your weakness with a repentant heart and ask him to forgive you. He only wants a relationship with His children. He is waiting with arms wide open to comfort you, show you love, and break the chains that are keeping you captive.
Acts 3:19
Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away.
Romans 5:8
But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.
Ephesians 1:7
He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins.
O Come To The Altar Lyrics:
Are you hurting and broken within
Overwhelmed by the weight of your sin
Jesus is calling
Have you come to the end of yourself
Do you thirst for a drink from the well
Jesus is calling
O come to the altar
The Father's arms are open wide
Forgiveness was bought with
The precious blood of Jesus Christ
Leave behind your regrets and mistakes
Come today there's no reason to wait
Jesus is calling
Bring your sorrows and trade them for joy
From the ashes a new life is born
Jesus is calling
No comments:
Post a Comment