Am I Glorifying God?

I had a good wake up call the other morning. I often hear God speak to me through books, music, people and most often sermons. A few Sundays ago our pastor was talking about how as Christians are top priority should be honoring and glorifying God. He asked the question, “ Are you supposed to glorify and honor God in everything you do?” His answer was obviously yes. I always knew this to be true, but was I actually living this way? Was I glorifying God in everything I do? In that moment, God put something heavy on my heart. It was in that moment that I started questioning one area in my life…. My parenting. It isn’t that I don’t glorify God ever in my parenting, but the last few days had been a roller coaster ride in our home. Emotions were high, my kids fought constantly, nothing seem to be going smooth, and quite frankly I was tired of parenting. I was just done with it, the whining, the fighting, the disrespect, the talking back. I was fed up with it all. When things started going south, instead of keeping my focus on the Lord, I allowed my emotions to start leading me. Whenever I delve into my emotions, nothing good ever comes from that.

I know who to go to for strength and who to focus on through the tough times, but the sad reality is, I don’t always do what I know is best. I often feel that way with eating healthy and working out. I know what is best for my health, but I don’t always choose to do it. It is far easier to give into emotions, devour my favorite unhealthy snack at nine o’clock at night, or to skip my workout for the day. It will always be easier to give in to the things that don’t take discipline. In my parenting I give in to my emotion time and time again. It's when my obedience is lacking that I reap the consequences…..utter dysfunction. I have experienced the difference when I parent in obedience to the Lord and when I choose to go my own way. The difference is obvious. When I choose to keep my focus on the Lord I find strength I don’t naturally have. I have strength to be patient, kind, and loving, but when I delve into my emotions and allow my anger, annoyance and frustration to lead me, I stumble and I fall. Even losing my focus for a short time can lead me astray. It starts small, but slowly leads to more and more dysfunction. The same goes for being discipline in working out, when I skip one day, it gets easier and easier to continue skipping and before I know it I am completely off track. When I am lacking in my obedience to the Lord, each day is crucial. The more  I choose to go my own way, the easier it is to continue on that path.  

There are so many ups and down in parenting. I have good days and bad days. It’s easy to stay calm and patient through the good, but what about the bad days?  It is easy to be stable and allow God to lead when things are going well in my house, but I find when things start getting tough I lose my focus. I let my emotions start leading me rather than God. When I let my emotions lead me, everything gets messy and the worst part is, my kids follow in my footsteps. I get annoyed, they get annoyed. I get sassy, they get sassy.  I get frustrated, they get frustrated. I yell, they yell. AGGH…..It’s a horrible cycle. When things get tough my perspective starts to shrink. I begin to only focus on the problem. I lose sight of the bigger picture. My focus is on trying to fix the problem rather than on the Lord. I find the more I focus on me and what I am trying to fix, the less I focus on God. I begin to stop seeking Him and without His strength I cannot walk in obedience. 

When I remain focused on God my perspective is far healthier and productive. Even though I am not doing things perfectly it never gets dysfunctional. God doesn’t want perfection, but wants my focus. He wants me to keep looking to Him for strength and guidance no matter what. I stopped doing that a couple weeks ago. I stopped seeking guidance only because it was easier to go my own way. It’s easy because it’s our human nature. Our nature is to rebel against God, go our own way and do what we want. Knowing this truth, I can understand why going my own way is so easy, it’s part of who I am. My sin nature is fighting against God all the time. Giving into my emotion comes natural, letting God lead takes discipline. My focus needs to be on the Lord and I need to be discipline in prayer and reading God’s word. Those two things give me an advantage. When I stay discipline, it is not as easy to give into my emotion and my sin. 

When my focus is not on God, I am impatient with the kids, short with them. I am quick to send them to their room and not willing to talk things out or teach them, I don't have the patience for that. I find that I just want obedience, "listen to me or else” kind of attitude. You obey or you get consequences. That might work in your home, but with my strong willed boy, that approach only makes him fight back even harder. I push, he pushes back ten times harder. Things go south very fast and it doesn’t take long before the dysfunction surfaces. In the midst of the dysfunction God still has a way of getting my attention. He never lets me get too far off track. It was in church that morning that God gave me my wake up call. The pastors words spoke truth to my heart. Am I glorifying God by the way I am parenting? Do I mimic Christ in my parenting? Do I have any of His characteristics? Patience? Love? Kindness? I couldn’t think of one characteristic that I was showing that mimicked that of Christ. I was bossy, in control, impatient, annoyed, and angry. 

God is the only one who can change the heart, He is the only one who can produce in me the heart that is patience with the ones who annoy me, kind to the ones who are rude to me, and loving to the one who don’t show me love back. That is hard and that cannot be done in my own strength. I come to this realization every time I go my own way. When my emotions and my mood drive me things only snowball into something very unpleasant. It starts with a tiny bit of anger and frustration, but if I don’t do something about that anger, it gets worse and worse. I could feel it a couple weeks ago, I could sense the way I was parenting was not productive, but I didn’t care. I just didn’t want to try anymore. I gave up and gave in. It was only because of God that I was able have the strength to pull myself together. I went to Him in prayer and asked Him to lead me and to give me the strength I needed to parent in a way that would glorify Him.

It all turned around after church that morning, I was yelling at my son to stop doing something and in that moment he said, “Mommy why have you been using a loud voice with me so much lately, I just wish you would talk nicer to me.” OUCH… at first I was mad, I thought to myself, “ how dare you tell me what to do. You deserve it, you deserve to be yelled at”, but then something happened in me. God spoke to my heart and reminded me that I was undeserving of a lot of things too and most of all undeserving of His grace. God doesn’t have to extend grace to us, but He does because He loves us. I do not deserve love, patience, and kindness from God, if you would have seen me a couple weeks ago, it would have been obvious. I don’t deserve God’s grace, but that’s the beauty of it. Grace is a gift and is given even though we don't deserve it. God doesn’t force me to behave perfectly in order to earn His love.

What was I doing? Was I making my son earn my love?  In that moment I realized what I needed to do. I chose to extend grace to my son. I looked past what my son had done for two days straight, all his bad behavior, his tantrums, his disrespect, his mean words and dysfunction and instead of holding it against him I showered him with love and kindness. In that moment God changed my attitude and my focus, it was incredible how when I changed, my son changed. The rest of that day was amazing. My husband came home from the store and asked, “What happened? I feel like things are different.” I broke down in tears of gratitude and shared with him what God had done in my heart that morning. I told Him it wasn’t Jett or it wasn’t me, it was God. He was the One who changed our course that morning. 

We can acknowledge God’s greatness in our victories, but we can also acknowledge His greatness in our failures. I failed miserably in my parenting a few weeks ago, but that doesn't mean God was not glorified. I always thought glorifying God meant doing things perfectly, but I've learned from experience that God can be glorified in our weakness and in our failure. It is when I am weak that I see God intervene and draw me back to Him. It was God who softened my heart and made me aware of where I was going wrong. It wasn’t my intelligence or my awesome thinking that got me back on track. I could never give myself credit for that. It was God who spoke to me through the pastors words that morning. Even though I continue to fail at being obedient, it amazes me how God continues to love me anyway. That kind of love inspires me to parent my kids the same way.

My heart longs to be obedient to the Lord, God knows my deepest desires. The fact that my heart is right is what matters. I will never do things perfectly, but the best thing about failure, God works great things from it. It is in my failure and struggles that God teaches me, grows me closer to Him and makes me more aware of His presence. It is after I struggle that I come out stronger and more dependent on the Lord. I get to experience Him changing my heart, strengthening me, and growing me closer to Him. There is nothing I crave more than that.  

As I keep falling I can imagine my Heavenly Father telling me to get up and try again. It never stops…..  the falling, the learning, the struggle. This life is about growth and change. I hate that truth. I hate that growth sometimes hurts. I hate that sometimes I need to struggle before I change. I wish life was easy and I wish it was perfect, but I know the truth and I know that life will not come until heaven. In the meantime, I will trust in my Heavenly Father for guidance and that He is changing me into the women He created me to be. I remain grateful that I live under God's gift of grace so my pursuit does not have to be perfection, but can be to seek God. I will trust that the struggles, the lows, and the failures are all part of God’s perfect and good plan. It is what I cling to for hope and what I cling to for strength. 

Luke 11:28

Jesus replied, “But even more blessed are all who hear the word of God and put it into practice.”

Psalm 86:12 With all my heart I will praise you, O Lord my God. I will give glory to your name forever,