Words Can Hurt

I was oblivious to what would come as I walked into the childcare room at my gym that day. My son was about three years old and the words that were spoken to me from one of the workers would blindside me and break me. It couldn’t have come at a worse time in my life. I was already so defeated as a parent. I had no confidence in my mothering skills and my son literally had full control over our house hold. I was at a point in life that I had read every book imaginable on how to parent the strong willed and had taken every class possible. I was trying so hard, yet I couldn’t manage this strong willed little boy. I was tired and worn out and was deeper in the trenches than I could have ever imagined. I was ready to quit. I remember many days looking at my husband and saying, “ I didn’t sign up for this, I didn’t know it would be this hard.”

As I walked into the childcare room that morning, I was confronted by one of the women who was caring for my son. She told me that I better get control of my child and that I needed to start doing something more as a mother. She warned me that if I didn’t figure it out now, I would be in for a rude awakening when my son entered High School. She made it obvious that she thought my child had problems and that I was the cause. Those words broke me. I literally couldn’t argue with her because I had the same fear. I was trying everything at home, but remained defeated. I was worried that I wasn’t equipped as a mother and that I was doing something wrong. I wasn’t sure if I was capable of parenting my strong willed little boy. I had my doubts, but this comment solidified my thoughts. I wasn’t a good mother and I didn’t deserve to have that responsibility. I nodded my head in agreement and walked out. I was crying so hard I didn’t want to be noticed so I snuck into the gym and sat hiding in the corner. As I watched my kids run around so joyfully, I remained a sobbing mess. I had hit a low point in my life and remained there for way too long.

I could have changed my perspective and my thoughts, but I entertained the negative self talk and the lies that told me I was not good enough and that I wasn’t meant to be a mother. I was in control of what I was going to believe and what I was going to entertain in my thoughts and I allowed myself to take the wrong path. Yes, words can hurt and as I described in my own life, they can derail someone's life or affect them in ways you could never imagine. You never know how depressed, or bad someone is hurting. You don’t know when your words will be the ones to break them.That’s why God cautions us to be slow to speak. In James 1:19 it says “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” He only warns of this because He knows the damage words can do to a person. Even though the childcare worker thought those things, that didn’t mean she had to speak them. We all think unkind thoughts when we are frustrated or upset, but that doesn’t make it right to say them out loud. 

As much as those words hurt me, I needed to remember that someone else’s opinion of me didn’t define me. I shouldn’t have taken to heart, the words that were spoken to me out of frustration. This world is broken and we are all imperfect. We are all going to have moments when we say things that will hurt other people, but if we are on the receiving end of those unkind words we need to realize that we are not defined by what other people say about us. I heard a quote on the radio the other day that really spoke truth to my heart, it said, “Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.” Isn’t that so true. I wish I would have believed that three years ago. We cannot define ourselves by imperfect words and imperfect people, it is only our perfect God that can define us. We are defined by God and no one else. He is the one who gives us worth and value and He makes it very clear how cherished and special every single one of us is. In that moment in the childcare room, I wish my identity was more rooted in what God said about me, but instead I took someone else's words as truth. 

I made the mistake of holding onto the unkind words for far too long. I allowed those words to consume me and fill me with anxiety and fear. I allowed the words spoken to me to become who I was. I lived in fear of what others might think of me and I barely left the house because I was embarrassed of what people might think of my son. The opinion of that one person kept me prisoner and it changed the direction of my life. It scares me to look back and realize that one person’s words stopped me from living and experiencing life to its fullest. What was I doing? How could I let one person control my life? I didn’t see it in the moment, but in time, God would show me there was a different way to live. I didn’t have to live prisoner to what others thought of me. I could have the strength to live differently. 

It was only when I started going to scripture that I found my firm foundation. A few years ago my foundation was unstable. I was not in scripture and I was not in prayer. I was easily influenced by the world around me.  As I became more and more rooted in God’s word, I started finding my identity. I started to learn who I was in God’s eyes and that was powerful. I was a daughter of the King and I was loved. The more I read scripture the more confident I became in who I was in Christ. I learned to not let others opinions of me become who I was. I was finding my strength, yet it was not my own. I was finding strength in Christ and I was confident in Him. Confident in who He said I was and confident that only He had the power to define me. I was made with purpose and me becoming a mother was no accident. God would equip me for what he designed me for. I would find strength in His word and trust that He would guide me in my struggles with parenting. The more I went to God, the more strength He gave me. The more I trusted and let Him lead me, the more He changed my life.

When someone says something hurtful or throws an insult my way now, it is much different. I often get sad or my heart hurts for a short time, but I no longer take those words to heart. I no longer let their words become who I am. I have found both strength and freedom, but it only came when I started to seek the Lord. His strength is what I needed the whole time. It became more apparent year after year how much I needed Him. When I look back a few years ago I see someone completely different. Who I was then is not who I am now. I am a different person and the One responsible for that, is God. A few years ago I was not in God’s word and I was not in prayer and that was the difference. I was a christian, but I didn’t feel like I needed God’s word (or that’s what I thought) but now I feel so desperate for it, I need it everyday. I need it like I need water to survive and I feel weak without it. I see the need for it now and I see a difference in my life because of it.  

I have experienced a life in God’s Word and one without it. It’s not even a close comparison which life I would choose.  When you experience God’s strength, there is no going back. When you feel the joy, comfort, peace, and fulfillment He can offer, there is no going back. The most amazing thing is, you keep chasing it because it fills you that much. You thirst for more of God. What God offers is real, nothing else can compare. The lie we often believe is that we can do life without God, but when we do that, we are never able to experience life to the fullest. We think we are, but we are being deceived. It is only when we start experiencing God that we have something to compare our old life to. It is when we experience God that we finally realize what we were missing out. God is who we need. I went far too long believing other things were what I needed, it was only when I put God first that everything else finally fell into place! 

God is the One who picked me up when I was down. He reminded me of who I was. I was cherished and loved by Him. I was a daughter of the King! I wasn’t given my son by accident, I was the perfect mother for this child. In God’s strength I would be equipped for the job. With God by my side I would be exactly the parent my strong willed child needed. I just needed to get up and fight. I needed to stop entertaining all the negative self talk and the lies and start fighting back. I needed to go to truth and seek God. I needed to remind myself of who I was. It is easy to lose yourself when you are struggling in a certain area. It is so easy to lose focus or start heading down the wrong path when you aren’t in the Word or in prayer. If you are struggling, remember that you are never alone. This life wasn’t meant to be done alone, it was meant to be done with God. 

I was so stubborn I kept at it alone until I was left without many options. I  would have never started to seek God if I wasn’t so desperate. I feel sad saying it, but if I was succeeding in my own strength, I would never have seen a need for God. It breaks my heart to think that I only desired to seek God because I was desperate. It wasn’t because I wanted to, it was because I had to, yet He embraced me fully and I can imagine him saying, “I’ve been waiting for you my child.” Our God is always waiting for His children to come to him. As much as we think we can do it alone, we can’t. I tried my whole life and failed miserably. It is only the one true God that gives strength to the weak. It is only the one true God who has the power to overcome the impossible!

God often reminds me that instead of looking to criticize and discourage people, I ought to encourage them. As Christians we should be an example and instead of beating someone down with negative words, we should build them up. I often pray that God helps me use my words to show love to others and encourage them, rather than use my words to bring people down. Kind words and love can be a blessing in someone's life. It’s that person you wouldn’t think needed encouragement, that just might be the person that you could bless that day. 

I had an experience a few weeks back. I was having a rough time mentally. I had a lot of doubt, anxiety and fear. I had a friend speak encouraging words to me at the most perfect time. Her words spoke to exactly what I was anxious about and her words soothed my soul. God can use your kind words in the perfect time in someone's life. You may never know that you are just what someone might need that day. My friend didn’t know I was struggling, she didn’t know I needed her words to push me forward. She listened to the prompting in her heart to speak words of encouragement and she was able to make a difference in my life. She was doing God’s work that day and the words she spoke to me meant more than she could ever imagine. Words are powerful. Go out and be a blessing to someone!

Proverbs 16:24
Kind words are like honey—
sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

Proverbs 12:25
Worry weighs a person down;
an encouraging word cheers a person up.

Ephesians 4:29
Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

1 Peter 2:9
But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.