Here is a description of the book: (By Kyle Idleman)
“There are gods at war within each of us. They battle for the throne of our hearts, and much is at stake. This is why idolatry is the most discussed problem in the entire Bible. Behind every sin struggle that you and I have is a false god that is winning the war in our lives. Don't give in to the myth that gods are only statues that people of other cultures or long ago worshiped. Pleasure, romance, sex, money, and power are just a few of the gods that vie for our allegiance in today's society. ”
I didn’t know much about idols at the time, but regardless of my knowledge this book really spoke to my heart. I was sick to my stomach as I began to realize for the first time that I was drowning in idolatry. The more I read, the more God pointed out how severely I sought after the approval of man. I learned that I was the biggest people pleaser ever (PS. Still working on that)! I cried for hours after I read the chapter highlighting what approval idolatry looked like. I was devastated as I realized it was me who the author was talking about in the book. I wanted so badly to have friends, to fit in, to be involved in activities so I could feel included and loved. The more and more I tried to please people in order to find acceptance and love, the more and more I spiraled into depression. My anxiety was at a high and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t shake it.
Seeking the approval of people slowly stole my identity from me. I was so lost I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Who did God create me to be? What do I truly desire? WHO AM I? I seriously needed to do some major soul searching. The thing is, I needed to seek the Lord in order to find myself again. When I was allowing myself to be led by my idol, rather than being led by the Lord, I felt the most lost I’ve ever felt. There is a reason God warns us not to have idols. “So, my dear friends, flee from the worship of idols.” 1 Corinthians 10:14. When we worship idols they will slowly rob us of our peace and joy and in the end, they simply devour us. It may not be the approval of others that you struggle with, but don’t be deceived by the other idols fighting for a place in your heart: Money, pleasure, power, comfort, control, etc. Idols can be deceptive and in my experience can be hard to point out and see without the Lord’s help. The severe depression and anxiety I was experiencing was not biological, or hormonal, but was literally caused by my own choices, it was caused by the worship of my idol. The same choices I thought would give me so much joy, love and fulfillment were the same choices that led me down a very very dark path.
The thing is, I didn’t even realize I was worshiping an idol, that’s the scary thing about idolatry. When you are not seeking God, I’m not quite sure it’s possible to see your own idolatry. We often get so blinded, stubborn, or set in our ways we have a hard time seeing what it is that is slowly crippling us. We don’t see the impact of what idolatry does to our hearts and our minds. I was making choices day in and day out and those choices were slowly destroying me, yet I failed to see what was happening. If it weren’t for God’s word and the bible study I was doing I would have never figured out why I was struggling so badly. I literally thought I needed medication and almost sought help from a doctor. There are many causes for depression and anxiety and some people are affected biologically, but in this case my anxiety and depression was not something physical, but rather spiritual.
It wasn’t an easy transition giving up my idol, but God was right there by my side as I waded through the muckiness of it all. The first thing I felt God calling me to do was take a huge step of faith. That’s just not like me, I don’t just go all in. I usually tip toe or slowly put my feet in the water, but I felt an urgency to just jump, so I did. One day I literally decided to stop doing all the activities that I felt tempted to worship my idol. I literally gave up everything that tempted me to seek approval from others. If it wasn't drawing me closer to the Lord or growing me in my relationship with the Lord it was gone. Everything that I could possibly get rid of that caused me stress and anxiety I did. Sounds extreme, I know! It wasn’t easy either. As a people pleaser I was so worried what people might think. What if people get mad at me? What if I lose friends? If I don’t do all these activities no one will like me anymore. If I’m not included I will feel lonely. I had so many fears that surfaced as I was about to take this huge step in a different direction.
It was as if the enemy didn’t want me to find freedom. I almost didn't take the step of faith because I was too scared. I had thoughts like, What am I doing? This is absurd! OH MY GOSH! Am I really going to do this? Am I really following the Lord or is this my dumb idea?? I literally felt like I was losing it! What I was about to do just didn’t make sense in my mind and it seemed too extreme…. but what I've learned from this experience (and many others) is that often times when the Lord leads us into something, it doesn’t always make sense. Well, at least that has been my experience. I don’t often see what God is doing until after the fact. I thought taking this step of faith was going to ruin my life, leave me with no friends, no social life, more anxiety, and more depression. As you can imagine I had my doubts. I didn’t understand what the Lord was doing, but I was so desperate. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I was drowning in depression and anxiety, I had to do something. I told the Lord “ it’s me and You” and then…. I JUMPED….
I was sick to my stomach for at least a month because of what I gave up. I wondered if I had made the right decision. I did what I thought the Lord was leading me to do, but why did it feel like I was still drowning. Did I do something stupid? Was God really leading me? Was this a bad idea? I started questioning and doubting, but through it all I felt God’s presence. I felt Him encouraging me along the way. I can’t fully explain it in words, but I just knew deep down I needed to do what I was doing. I might not have seen a light at the end of the tunnel, but I trusted at some point there would be. I was walking blindly through the mess, but was trusting that God was leading me. I had no idea how it would all work out, but God gave me this overwhelming feeling of hope that in time, it would.
As I started choosing more wisely and praying about what I should and shouldn't do with my free time, things started falling into place. There are things you have to do, like work and chores etc, but choosing what you do in your free time is also important. I never really put much thought into that. I used to just fill my time doing things to please people, fit in, or do things just so I could be included. I literally was just following the crowd. Starting fresh gave me more freedom in my schedule. I used to pack my schedule full of things that I never really thought about, but now I was learning to make decisions based on what direction I thought the Lord was leading me in. It wasn’t easy at first… because FYI, God doesn’t speak to me audibly (though it would be a lot easier if He did). You could imagine this would be a hard transition, letting God lead… Is this even possible? How do you even do that?
I don’t always “learn quickly”. There’s some trial and error that goes into my learning process, haha! It wasn’t the easiest thing to learn, but in time I would figure it out. The more I sought the Lord the more He would teach me. In time, I learned to listen not with my ears, but with my heart. As I started filling my time with things I felt God putting on my heart the anxiety and depression started lifting. The more I focused on Him and His direction for me, the more I felt at peace, it was so surreal. In time God had completely changed the desires of my heart and the craziest thing was, I didn’t even enjoy doing the things that I used to fill my time with. I thought I’d miss the things I gave up, but I didn’t. God was replacing the good, with even better. The things I was doing before weren’t bad things, they would have been just fine if I was doing them with the right motive and not doing them just to find approval from people. It’s amazing how important and crucial your motives are. When my motives were no longer to please people, but rather to please the Lord, things started changing. As I navigated through what it looked like to let God lead, my life started becoming far more joyful and fulfilling.
I had to be fully and solely focused on God. I had to go ALL IN. I’m not sure there was ever a time in my life that I was ever so committed to reading scripture and praying. I put 100% of my focus on the Lord and He is the one who got me through it. The transition was hard and literally made me sick for months. It was as if things had to get worse before they got better. The hardest part was hurting those I cared about and losing friends in the process. I didn’t have a guide on how to maneuver and paddle through the muckiness and I made some mistakes along the way, but when the muckiness started clearing, I could see what God was doing in my heart and in my life. All the pain and heartache was worth it. It took almost a full year of seeking only God that I found freedom from the anxiety and depression that had overtaken me. That funk I was in, the idol in my heart, God crushed it. He slowly walked me out of darkness into the light. It was hard, painful, and slow. It didn't just happen overnight, but for a full year it was me and God navigating this new life of mine. God was teaching me what it looked like to put Him first, crazy how much different life looks when you do that.
It’s not as if I do not still teeter on the edge of idolatry. I think I will always struggle with wanting approval from others. The difference now is, I have God to guide me by His scriptures and through prayer. The Lord has unmasked my idol and showed me how it lied to me, now it no longer has power over me. Now I find myself praying often that this idol would never consume me again. This whole experience has taught me that pleasing everyone is impossible. When I read in the book that it was impossible to have everyone like you, I literally sobbed for hours. I didn’t want anyone to hate me and the thought of that made me sick to my stomach. That was one indicator that i was consumed with idolatry. Now when I think of someone not liking me, it's not as if I'm thrilled about it, but it is what it is. There are people who are going to doubt you, hate you, discourage you, and there will be those people that no matter what you do you will never be able to please them. The more I seek God the more I realize how seeking the approval of people is draining and steals the life from you. I wasted so many years caring about what others thought of me. No matter how hard I tried I could never please everyone. We cannot make someone like us or keep them from judging us, we just don’t have the power to do that, so why do we try so hard?
I used to worry so much about be accepted by people. I was often worried people were judging me, talking behind my back, or had a secret dislike for me. The more I worshiped my idol the more it consumed me. My husband would tell me not to worry about it, but I literally did not have the strength to stop. That’s what idolatry does, it draws you away from the Lord and then it devours you. I couldn't free myself from it. It was the Lord’s power that gave me my freedom back. It was Him who slowly changed my mindset and broke the chains that kept me captive. I have a much healthier way of looking at certain things now. The approval of man or people pleasing is not what drives me anymore. I no longer strive to fit in, to make sure people like me, or find my approval in what people think. I strive to please only the Lord and grow closer to Him. That's what I want most in life. I want to continually be growing in my relationship with the Lord. It makes me a better mom, a better wife, a better friend and overall a better person. When I seek God first, everything else falls into place.
God doesn’t have “rules” or guidelines in the bible to somehow restrict you, but He has them there to help guide you. He knows what’s best for us, what will give us life or steal life from us. We cannot navigate those areas by ourselves. Sometimes things seem so pleasant and fulfilling, but deep down they are slowly destroying us. The desire to be loved and affirmed is healthy and natural. The problem for me was, I sought love and affirmation from people above the Lord. It had become what I worshiped in place of God. I always thought I would feel less lonely and more loved if I had a lot of friends, if I fit in or if I was invited to all types of get togethers and such, but really what I was doing was temporarily filling an emptiness that only God could fill.
My idol wasn't giving me more love and acceptance it was slowly stealing my peace and joy. I was insecure in my identity in Christ and feared rejection of people above my fear of the Lord. I didn't seek His approval, but rather that of man. Now that my priorities are in line and I worship God first, the activities I do aren’t about filling a void anymore. I used to go into things not realizing how depleted I was deep in my soul. I didn't realize I was doing things to fill myself with something only God could give me. I wanted other peoples love and acceptance, but what I should have been content with was God's love for me.The only way God was able to free me from the idol in my heart was for me to allow Him to reign and rule in my life so much that he took the place of my idol. This experience although it was tough, was God's way of teaching me. I am so grateful and praise the Lord often for how He has changed my heart!
"those who cling to worthless idols
turn away from God’s love for them."
Jonah 2:8
"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?
Am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10
“You must not have any other god but me.
“You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea.
Exodus 20:3-4
So we can say with confidence,
“The Lord is my helper,
so I will have no fear.
What can mere people do to me?
Hebrews 13:6
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