My Strength Comes From The Lord

Recently I came across this quote at a coffee shop….

“I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life, and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do.” Georgia O’Keeffe

This quote was so encouraging, like Georgia O’Keeffe I am often fearful and anxious. The difference is, I often let fear stop me from doing things. After reading this quote I started thinking on the things that cause me fear and anxiety ..... 

Stepping out of my comfort zone 

Trying new things 

Talking on the phone

Meeting new people

Traveling to a new place

Getting too close to people or loving them fully 

(fear of getting hurt)

Being vulnerable with friends and family   

Telling my husband what is on my heart. 

Doing something that would make me stand out

(fear of what people might think)

Afraid of being myself in fear of judgment

And those are just a few of my fears (YIKES).....
My husband often says he wouldn't want to be in my head... 
I don't blame him.. ;) Haha!

Fear has consumed me most of my life, but most of the time I didn't recognize it as fear. The thing about fear is, sometimes you don’t even recognize it’s there. I was being controlled by it, yet I didn’t see it for what it was. I lived with so much fear and anxiety for so long it was as if I was desensitized to it. I was so comfortable thinking and being a certain way, I just accepted it. I accepted the fact that I was weak and never thought to fight for anything different. I never took the time to dig deep into my motives and understand why I did or didn't do certain things. When I started thinking off the surface and started digging deep, I realized it was fear that was keeping me from being who I was created me to be. It was fear that was keeping me captive. I had no idea I was bound by burdens that God could set me free from. I had no idea I could be someone different. The thing is change doesn’t just happen, I learned I'd have to fight for it. 

Each and every day I have a choice. I can fight or I can give into my anxious thoughts and fears. There is no middle for me. If I choose not to fight I by default become plagued with fear and anxiety. Sometimes I wish it were easy. I wish I didn’t have to fight all the time. It takes discipline and some days I don’t have the energy to do it. I have to be disciplined not only in the Word, and in prayer, but also in my thinking. I learned to start thinking about what I was thinking about. I 've had to learn how to be more conscious of my thought processes and more conscious of what I am dwelling on in order to not think on that. I used to dwell on something for hours and not even realize it was stealing my joy and robbing me of my peace. Since I've been made more aware of my thinking, I’ve learned that I am not fighting a physical battle, but a spiritual battle, a battle of the mind. 

God’s weapons are the only thing I found that are adequate to fight the spiritual and mental battles. The journey has been tough, but through it I’ve developed inner strength. In the last few years I have found so much freedom in how I think. That doesn’t mean the fear, negative thoughts or anxiety go away. It means I found ways to fight against them. The last three years I have been facing my fears and doing things I’ve always wanted to do. Things that my fear always kept me from doing. The thing is, I thought once I started facing fears I would no longer be afraid to do certain things, but that just isn’t the case. I thought once I started praying more or reading my bible more the anxious thoughts would go away, but they don’t. Even though I’m facing fears, seeing growth, and learning to trust God through it all… My fear and anxious thoughts are still there. They come and go, but they never fully go away. I believe they are there to make me stronger, to teach me how to fight and to remind me everyday how desperately I need the Lord. 

The fight requires action. It requires stepping out in faith and doing things that you are afraid to do. It's not as if blogging is not scary for me, it is. It's not as if being vulnerable doesn't give me anxiety, it does..... but I still do it. There are things I've always wanted to do, like love fully, to not hold back. I am finally learning how to do that, even though it still makes me soooo anxious. I was terrified to start selling my art. What if it's not good enough? What will people think? What if people say they don't like it? I was consumed with fear, but I did it anyway. The fear isn't gone, it's there almost every day, but I still do what I feel God is leading me to do because I'm determined to not let fear stop me anymore. I often feel God is saying, "Kara, Just do it... Trust in me and I will provide the strength you need." The crazy thing is, every single time I have stepped out in faith, God has provided what I needed. He is always faithful. 

God doesn't always take away the fear, but what He does do is provide the tools to fight against it. He gives me the strength to persevere and He teaches me how to trust. If God took away what I struggle with, I’m not sure I would seek Him as desperately as I do. If I didn’t need Him constantly, it would be so easy to go my own way. Most of my life I have taken my own path, but in those many years I’ve learned enough to know I never want to go back to that. I want to be led by the Lord. What keeps me seeking Him is knowing that I need Him. It is in my struggles that I see Him working and I get to experience Him personally. It’s humbling to know that I cannot do this life alone. I need the Lord’s strength and guidance. Even though I often hate my weaknesses, I see how God uses them for good. My weaknesses seem to keep pride from fully consuming me, they humble me and keep me dependent on the Lord, and that's truly what I desire. 

I was told all my life that I needed more confidence, that I wasn’t strong enough. It was so true, I wished I was stronger. I desperately wanted more strength and confidence, but didn’t know how to attain it.... It seemed impossible. The thing is, I had a skewed perspective of what strength and confidence was. I thought confidence was the absence of weakness, I thought being confident meant having it all together. I was always trying to get rid of my weaknesses rather than embrace them. I was constantly seeking perfection or a life that looked flawless so I could feel more confident. That didn’t work because I never was able to attain perfection, my weaknesses always lingered. I’ve learned that when I embrace my weaknesses and allow God to be my strength in them, I feel more confident and I feel strong. The confidence is not in myself, but in the Lord. Strength comes with humility, the more I accept my weaknesses and let God work through them, the more confident I feel. The more God humbles my heart and shows me how much I need Him the more inner strength I have. 

I see God using my weaknesses to show me what He can do when I believe and trust in Him. I see Him using my weakness for good. To develop inner strength in me and to teach me how to trust. I don’t often ask God to take my fear and anxiety away anymore. I don’t see my weakness as a hindrance any longer, but rather an avenue for God to strengthen me, teach me to trust, and to glorify Him. I’ve accepted that this life won’t be easy and I will always have weaknesses. Everyone has their own weaknesses and struggles, everyone is affected by the brokenness and sin of this world. We are all suffering in some way or another. Everyone’s struggles look different, but are equally painful.

When I think or hear of others that are struggling, I often think if God can work in my life, there is no doubt He can work in theirs. I often felt like I was a lost cause. I never thought I'd overcome obstacles or persevere. I often gave up because I believed I was too weak, fearful and anxiety ridden to do anything that my heart desired. To the world I would probably have been seen as a lost cause, too weak, or just not capable, but to the Lord I was seen far differently. The Lord knew I was capable and strong, but He knew I would need Him first. The Lord has been teaching me to go to Him for strength instead of relying on myself. When I do things in my own strength I am not capable, but with the Lord, "I can do all things because Christ gives me the strength." Philippians 4:13

I often wished I had a different struggle, but recently I have accepted my weaknesses for what they are. It is in our struggles, whatever they might be, where God is wanting to be our strength. I always wanted to fight in my own strength. I didn’t want help and I didn’t want to admit I had a weakness, but it wasn't until I surrendered to the Lord and told Him I needed His help that I actually started to change. From that day forward my life has been different. I’ve found inner strength and confidence I never knew existed and I’ve experienced joy, peace and contentment beyond what I can explain in words. I no longer seek to be confident in myself, I put my confidence in the Lord and that’s where I find my strength!  

Psalm 28:7
"The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 

“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” 
So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Isaiah 40:31 
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.