The last couple of days I've slowly let feelings of negativity, fear, and hopelessness creep into my heart. I was blind to it happening at first, but after a couple days I started feeling the heaviness of it. It happened when I began dwelling on all the hatred, evil and divisiveness that I was seeing on T.V. I unintentionally began focusing on it and in only a short period of time it began to be too much for me to bear. The heartache I felt, the tears that I shed, the heaviness was far too much for me to handle.
I don’t know why it still shocks me, but it still does …. How easy it is to let the negativity, fear and darkness creep into our heart. It only took a couple days before the despair, lack of hope, discouragement, and negativity started trying to consume me. It was only when I turned my focus back on the Lord that my perspective changed. I started feeling hopeful again, I found peace and comfort as I rested in God's promises. God warns us there will be dark days, despair, heartache and struggles, but focusing on that is not what gets me through the dark days. It is the eternal perspective I gain as I seek the Lord that gives me the strength I need everyday to push through the darkness. It’s scripture like this that I cling to and it reminds me there is better yet to come. “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” It is when I dwell on the scriptures, listen to uplifting songs, it is when I am in prayer that God changes my perspective and teaches me how to keep my focus on Him. It's God who gives me hope, comfort, strength and direction.
The last few days memories of my childhood and young adult years have been surfacing. I have been remembering the times when no one, not even my parents or my husband could comfort me from the fear and darkness I felt. That's how I started feeling recently. I was reminded that when I felt most lost and alone in this world was when I didn’t know the Lord. I was reminded of how often I would spiral into a bad place and be consumed by feelings of fear, doubt, worry, lack of hope and feelings that I had no purpose.... No one could ever help me with these deep and dark thoughts. It has only been the last few years of seeking the Lord and pouring my heart out to Him that I have felt the comfort I've craved since childhood.
The last few days as God has helped me through the darkness I've had this vision in mind. I see Jesus grabbing hold of my hand just like I would do with my own child and what I hear in the depth of my soul is. “Kara even when you think I have left your side, I never let go my sweet child, it’s you who have turned away, keep your eyes on me and when you find yourself on sinking sand call on My name and you will find solid ground again..” I need that reminder often and it is God who brings me back to Him. He humbles my heart and shows me how desperately I need Him. Today I found myself whispering to God in prayer, “ Help me keep my focus on you Lord, I don’t want to let go, I don’t want to look away. Keep humbling me heart and reminding me how much I need you Lord.”
“On the nights when the dark last a little bit longer
When the wind and the storm is a little bit stronger
When the fear in my heart dips a little bit deeper
When my faith to stand gets a little bit weaker
Where could I run to? Where could I go?
Even when it feels like my world is shaken
Even when I've had all that I can take…...I know
You never let me go Lord.”
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