Who Are We Following?

I was reading a devotional with my children a few days ago, the scripture we were talking about was, John 10:14, “I am the good shepherd, I know my sheep, and my sheep know me”. As my kids and I talked about how we were like sheep and Jesus was our Good Shepherd I couldn’t help but think back on the previous years of my life. Who did I used to follow? What did I chase after? I actually got a tad bit emotional as I thought back on my life because most of it was spent allowing others to influenced who I was. I let others define my self worth. I let others tell me what was important and what wasn’t. I spent my whole life following the crowd. I remember how badly I wanted to fit in, be known and accepted, and most of all I wanted to feel loved. I wanted happiness in this world and so I desperately sought after what everyone else was chasing. I thought everyone else had it figured out, so like a sheep who follows their herd, I stuck with the crowd never once thinking I might be headed in the wrong direction.

When I was down that path I was constantly plagued by anxiety, bouts of depression, feelings of unworthiness, I was often lonely, discontent, ungrateful, and I always had this feeling that I needed better or more. I kept chasing anything and everything, It was always that “next thing” that I thought would make me happy, but it was never enough. The promotion, the weight loss goal, the new home or car, my marriage, my kids, I was certain that the “next thing” was going to be what satisfied the emptiness…. But it never did. So what did I do? I kept chasing, year after year I chased, for thirty years I chased hoping something would heal what was hurting so deep in my soul. It wasn’t until I changed the path that I blindly followed for thirty years that I found what I was looking for. I'm not going to lie, it was so hard to change my direction because I followed the same path my WHOLE LIFE. It was scary to think choosing a different direction might mean I would no longer fit in, that I might lose friends, that people might think I’m weird. It was terrifying, but choosing to follow God and not the crowd has been the best decision I’ve ever made in this life. The contentment, the peace, the joy I feel, I wouldn’t trade that for anything..My soul is finally at rest and I finally, for the first time in my life, feel loved, worthy, and not alone. That has been all I have ever wanted in this life and it was God who provided it for me.

We were created to worship our Creator, not his creation. The things of this world, including our amazing families and friends were not meant to take God’s place in our hearts. That’s what I was doing, I was trying to replace God with other people and other things, but the things God blesses us with will never satisfy our needs. They might satisfy temporarily, but they will never satisfy the soul. We were made for God, to be in relationship with Him. My whole life I allowed other people to define me. The core of my being was define by what other people thought of me or what other people told me. I spent the majority of my life allowing others to influence my thinking, my choices, my behaviors, and my direction in life. What I really should have been doing is looking to God for direction because the more I let the world lead me the more lost and off track I got. I now see how foolish it was to let myself be led by others who were just as lost as I was. The blind cannot lead the blind, sheep cannot lead sheep, the lost cannot lead the lost…. As much as others want to pretend they are capable, they aren’t. We aren’t capable of leading each other, only God is capable of leading us. I used to think I was leading my own life. I was oblivious to the fact that I was actually following. I thought somehow or someway I opted out of choosing, but in reality we are all “sheep” and we all follow... the question is…. Who are we following?

“Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his... we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.” Psalm 100:3