Draw Me Near To You Lord

My anxious thoughts were what woke me up this morning...🤦Ugh... I hate waking at 3:00AM to my mind racing in all different directions. I could do without that in my life  What I hate most, is feeling like I'm already at a disadvantage. I didn't choose these thoughts… They just popped into my head, which is so frustrating. I'm not sure if I'm just a lil weird (that’s up for debate), but I feel like I have way less control over what my mind thinks on when I am tired. My mind seems far more vulnerable to the anxious and unpleasant thoughts at night and in the very early morning hours.
This morning I kept trying to go back to bed, willing myself to think on something different, but no matter how hard I tried I ended up right back where I started… The thoughts just wouldn’t GO AWAY… Seriously... Sooooo annoying.

I became so frustrated in my own effort to distract myself that I just got up. My initial thought was to turn on mindless television, which was easy and wouldn’t use up too much of my energy, I was still really tired. I figured it would help me focus on something else and ease my restless mind. As I brewed myself some coffee, I felt a nudge to dig into scripture instead. what I mean by "nudge" isn’t anything fancy or super holy roller, but instead it was just the thought of digging into scripture that popped into my mind. UGH… Having that thought provided me with two options now… NOT COOL. I was forced to make a choice.. Would I seek the Lord or would I distract myself by watching aimless television. I wish I could say that my desire was to go to scripture. I wish I felt excitement or at least I wish I had the energy to do it, but I didn’t. My emotions and exhaustion told me to take the easy way out, but for some reason I resisted what "made sense" or what was "easy" and chose to dig into scripture! Mark that one down 😂😉haha!
(PS. After I dug in I couldn’t stop.. That was a great reminder for me that the first hurdle is always the hardest to get over!)

I felt the Lord's power in my life this morning ONLY because I chose to go to Him. I wasn't seeking a temporary fix, but chose to seek the One who comforts the soul, gives peace that surpasses understanding and who provides hope and a more healthy perspective. I needed all that this morning. I needed the Lord's help and I got that as I dug into scripture. This morning was a good reminder to me how important my choices are. The choice to seek God will not be an easy one. There is so much to distract us (T.V., work, exercise, etc) and so many other things we can go to for comfort (relationships, food, alcohol, drugs, etc). We have an enemy who wants to keep us from all that the Lord can provide and he's not going to make it easy.

See, I often want God to work in my life, yet I don't want to put in much effort. I want it all to just happen. I've learned from experience that I need to be intentional in my seeking of God if I want to see Him work powerfully in my life. Sitting back and waiting on God with no effort on my part does not work. I’ve tried that and it was VERY unsuccessful. I’ve only seen God work in my life when I am actively seeking Him in prayer and in scripture. This morning started out on a low note… A lot of frustration, restlessness, and frankly it was just a crappy morning, but after spending hours in the scriptures I now feel empowered, hopeful, at ease, comforted and I’m ready to face all that today might bring. I credit that attitude and mindset change to the Lord, He's what I need. He’s the One who provides! He’s the One who I ought to go to more often. I pray I get better at resisting the temptation to seek the temporary things and instead seek more of the Lord.

This world only comforts temporarily....
But the Lord, His peace penetrates the soul.
I want to remember times like this, because remembering His faithfulness, His power in my life and the way He comforts a restless soul, helps me to keep seeking especially in those times when I want to turn away. Thank you Lord for continuing to draw me near to you 💕🙌

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Isaiah 41:10
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand