Identity In Christ

A couple months back my son and I were chatting after one of his baseball games. It's his first year playing competitive baseball and he was struggling to perform to his potential. As we were lying in bed chatting, I asked him what was going on. I told him that I knew that he was a much better player than he was showing on the field. As we were chatting his true thoughts and feelings came to the surface, “I’m just not that good Mom, actually I SUCK, I know I’m not cut out to be a select baseball player"… ..

Ugh....😔 Unfortunately I was not caught off guard by his words. Sadly, it is pretty common for him to indulge in negative self talk. He believes his internal thoughts of not measuring up and not being good enough all the time. It’s so upsetting to watch him spiral mentally knowing I cannot do anything to help him. I can encourage and guide, but he is the only one who is in control of what he allows his mind to dwell on. Insecurities are born out of destructive thoughts, we all have an internal dialogue that no one else hears, but some people like my son have an internal dialogue that is super destructive. The more he rehearses and repeats the negative thoughts in his head the more disastrous they become. I have struggled with this same battle my whole entire life and it pains me to watch my son struggle in the same exact way. I could empathize with every single word he spoke to me that night after the game.

Even though our conversation started out very heartbreaking, in the end it led to a beautiful conversation about personal identity (how we see ourselves) vs. our identity in Christ (how God sees us). I was able to share with my son about how important it is to know his true identity (in Christ) as a believer and learn to live from that point of reference instead of living according to his own feelings and thoughts. It is God alone who defines him, not his performance or what others think or say about him. I have been learning in my own life that seeking the Lord and finding my identity in Him, frees me up to live confidently and stable instead of changing who I am based on the opinions of others, my performance, failure, or my low view of self. I want my son to know that he doesn’t have to live always doubting himself and constantly insecure. There is a different way to live, I’ve found that freedom and it starts by drawing near to the Lord.

I’ve learned that there is only one source I can truly live from and that's God. He provides for me my identity. When I lived according to what I thought and felt and according to the world's standard, I was a hot mess. I was so unstable and the ups and downs were devastating. I only felt worthy and sure of myself when I was performing well, others validated me and I was “successful”. When my performance wasn’t to par, my circumstances changed, if I failed or I wasn’t being validated…. I immediately felt worthless. I always lived out of the flesh, independent from God and my identity was defined purely by my own thoughts and feelings and other external factors. My focus was purely on self, not the Lord. I was seeking to find my identity anywhere, but in Christ. The danger in allowing external factors to define us is that they are always changing, it is a very unstable place to be. When I look to God and keep my focus there, I have been learning to live out of my identity based on how God sees me and as a result I don't need to look to other people, my performance, success or any other external factor to validate who I am. I know who I am! 🙌💕

This means,

When the world or anyone in it tells me I have nothing to offer, God reminds me I have been made for a purpose.

When I feel left out, rejected or am not invited, God whispers to me, “Kara you are fully accepted.”

When I start to relive the horrible mistakes I’ve made in the past, God reminds me that I am completely forgiven.

When someone doesn’t like me or I feel alone, I remember that God says that I am fully and deeply loved!

When I am overcome with fear, I hear the Lord reminding me, “You are brave”.

When I feel that I am not good enough, the Lord reminds me that he has created me with gifts and talents.

When I think I am a nobody and worthless, God reminds me that I am a child of the One True King.

God doesn’t talk to me audibly, but I can hear him speak to me through scripture. Being grounded in His Word gives me the ability to crush false beliefs and negative self talk with the Truth. Seeking the Lord and learning His truth in scripture has completely changed my life. I am not completely free from the power insecurity can hold, but with the Lord’s power I have found that my insecurities have less control over my life. God’s Word challenges me to change my focus and perspective. Instead of spending the majority of my time dwelling on my flaws and worrying about other people’s opinions of me, scripture turns my focus on the Lord. When the focus is off self, there is so much freedom! As I laid with my son that night after his game I encouraged him to keep his eyes on Jesus and I reminded him that in return he will begin to experience freedom and stability in the areas he feels stuck. I told him how important it is to allow the Lord to be the only voice to define him, not himself, not other people. That night we went through scripture that we knew and we talked about all the ways God defines us, it was powerful!

When we struggle with self-doubt and let insecurity control us, we’re robbing the world of something beautiful. We’re stealing away who God created us to be. When I lived independent from God I never experienced all that He had for me. When I was constantly consumed by fear and doubt, there was little room left for the Lord’s guidance and direction. When I started to listen to God’s voice saying “I gave you these gifts and abilities on purpose,” instead of comparing myself to others and entertaining negative self talk, I moved into living a life with more peace, contentment, joy, gratitude, stability, and strength. Like anything, practicing a different way of life takes time, I am still changing and growing. I am not completely there yet and I know I will never find perfection this side of heaven, but what I do know is that God has given me everything I need for the life He has purposed for me. I need only to seek Him.

Those who trust in the Lord can literally be transformed by His love. I’ve experienced this power personally. When I finally learned how God viewed me and believed it, it radically changed my life. Human criticism does not hold weight when compared to God’s opinion of us. God is our creator, let His opinion matter the most. It will be a constant battle as we live in a world that seeks to define us by its own standards, but when we place our faith and trust in the Lord we can learn to live by his Truth. At the heart of what it means to be a believer is to receive a new identity. In Jesus, we do not lose our true selves, but we become our true selves, only in Him.

My struggle with self doubt and insecurities has been an avenue for God to teach me how to be dependent on Him. As I learn to rest in His Truth, I have found freedom. I want my son and anyone else who struggles in this way to know that there is always hope when we surrender and give ourselves to the Lord. When I choose Him and His way, I always find peace, freedom, strength, contentment and joy! It is the Lord who I want to fill my life and thoughts, it is He who defines our worth and holds us secure in His love.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I
praise him." Psalm 28:7