Walking In Grace

My children and I were having a conversation about behavior recently. My son who would be considered a type one Enneagram 😉 is a perfectionist to the core. He gets super conscientious and concerned when it comes to right vs. wrong. As we were discussing behavior his perfectionist personality started to surface. He got really upset about the fact that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t have perfect behavior. Through tears of frustration he shared his heart with me, “Mom…..You know what? I HATE sin… I wish it didn’t exist…. I hate doing the wrong thing and I hate making mistakes.”

Romans 7:17-20 describes my son's frustrations perfectly. “But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.” (MSG).

I know my son wants to do the right thing, yet half the time he doesn’t do what he wants to do. He gets frustrated when he fails. I’ll often ask him why he did (fill in the blank)?
His go to answer is, “ Sorry Mom, I forgot” ….. FORGOT!? Really...I don’t think he forgets necessarily, but I do think that he does things impulsively and doesn’t really think before he acts. It is a real struggle to resist temptation and sin, I get it. For many years, my anger was what kept me prisoner. I wanted to be free from it so badly. Like my son, I wanted to do what was right (be patient), but it seemed that the harder I tried, the more enslaved I became.

We all know that putting in effort and working hard is often effective when it comes to our physical lives, like our careers, hobbies, losing weight, education etc. No one would argue that. We live in a culture that commends effort, I often find myself preaching to my children about hard work and not giving up, but often we assume that hard work will fix matters of the heart, like anger, hatred, bitterness, jealousy, discontentment, selfishness, pride, lust, etc.The saying “hard work pays off” isn’t an accurate statement when we are talking about the heart. I have found that self- effort and hard work is useless when it comes to trying to become a more patient person. The more I strived, the more defeated I became. I was obsessed with trying to fix myself, but the more I focused on myself and my behavior the worse things got.

If you continue reading in Romans, Paul writes this, “ I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me?” Romans 7:25 (MSG)
I felt this same way. I worked so hard at trying to stop being an angry person, I read books, took classes, prayed… NOTHING worked. I can empathize with Paul saying, “Is there no one who can do anything for me?” Paul doesn’t just end there, he actually has an answer to his own question.... “The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does” Romans 7:25.

I remember crying out to Jesus often, asking him to help me. I would ask, but he never seemed to answer. I would pray and ask for patience, but NOTHING ever changed. Why was He not helping me? It even says in scripture that Jesus will help, but I didn’t see Him doing anything in my life. I believed this to be true in the midst of my battle, but in retrospect, I do see now that the Lord was helping me. When it was happening I only felt pain, darkness and hopelessness and the Lord felt distant as if He turned His back on me.

Now I can see his loving presence and that he was with me helping me the whole entire time. When you pray for God to help with your situation and things don’t get better, remember that He knows what He is doing. Just because we don’t see it, doesn’t mean He isn’t working. God’s ways are so different from our ways. I wanted to fix my behavior, but the Lord had other plans. He wanted something completely different. He wanted to change my heart. [“For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7]

The Lord knew what he was doing and even though the failure and utter darkness I experienced was devastating, it was a time that the Lord opened my eyes to much of what I was missing. Sometimes we pray and expect the Lord to answer our prayers a certain way, but the Lord does things His way and His way is always the best way. I might not have seen it at the time, but what I needed was a humble heart and hitting rock bottom was what I needed in order to see my need for the Lord. I often hear people say that God won’t give us more than we can handle, but in my experience that is not true. The Lord allowed me to get to a place of brokenness with a burden too heavy for me to bear, so that I would finally allow Him to bear the burden for me. It was only when I went to Him that I discovered the beautiful freedom that comes as we allow ourselves to rest in Christ. As long as I believed my abilities were sufficient enough, I would have never gone to the Lord for help, and in return I would have never experienced the freedom He had to offer.

It’s so easy to think that striving will provide for us the freedom, fulfillment, peace, and joy that we crave. but It wasn’t my discipline and will power that gave me what I desired, it was Jesus. He changed me and provided for me in so many ways. As I learn to stop striving and instead rest in Christ, I am beginning to live the life I was created for. A few years ago, I would have never thought to give the Lord any sort of credit for anything. When I would hear people say things like “The Lord changed me” or “The Lord did this or that”, it sounded absolutely absurd to me. I would chalk it up to “spiritual mumbo jumbo” and think those people were freaking off their rocker. God doesn’t work like that, I thought… Well at least the God I know doesn’t work like that….I was certain that it was hard work that changed people, not God. That used to be my perspective, until the Lord began doing miraculous things in my own life.

I’ve always been one to rely on my own strength to get me through life. I work hard and I usually get results. The first time in my life where my own effort and will power wasn’t enough was when it came to controlling my temper. I couldn’t free myself from the anger that was dragging me under. I was so used to relying solely on my own ability that I had no clue how to rely on God’s resources. I did things in my own strength 100% of the time. I NEVER relied on the Lord for anything, I never had to. It was only out of desperation that I began to seek the Lord in scripture and in prayer, something I had never done previous to my rock bottom moment. As I began to seek the Lord my eyes were open to a whole new perspective.

The Lord didn’t cause my pain and suffering, but he did use it to do so much good in my life [“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him” Romans 8:28] Seeking the Lord from a place of brokenness was how I discovered grace for the very first time. I discovered that what I needed most was to build my life around my relationship with Jesus, keeping my focus on Him instead of having my focus be on myself. When I was obsessed with changing my own behavior I became self focused. When I was so focused on self I wasn’t free. As the Lord started teaching me, I began moving from a performance-based lifestyle to walking in grace. When I kept my focus on Jesus and sought Him with all my heart, soul and mind, miraculous things started happening. I was becoming more patient, empathetic, I had more self-control, I was experiencing more peace, contentment and joy in my life. I began to feel fulfillment that I had never felt before. This didn’t come from any effort on my part, this was the Lord’s work! 

Christlike character is not produced by self-effort. It grows naturally out of a relationship with Jesus. I didn't understand this a few years back. I thought I first had to try and be more patient and when I had become patient, then I would need to try and be more joyful, etc… Instead, those qualities became part of my life by simply abiding in Christ and staying close to Him. I didn’t need to strive anymore!! When a Christian abides, God can work through them to produce much fruit. Since God produces it, He is the one glorified. “The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control.” Galatians 5:22-23

If you are struggling in any area of life (parenting, marriage, addiction, finances, with anger, bitterness etc) or even if you are having a hard time with all that is going on in this country, you are not alone. Paul makes it clear that we all struggle. He gives only one answer… Jesus... I spend most of my life trying to find something, anything that would provide for me more joy, freedom, peace, fulfillment, and contentment, but I never found it in this world. It was only when I went to Jesus that I found what I had always been looking for!
“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30