Liar

I wake up I feel it
Those fears are back again
Can't shake them can't make them
Ever fade ever end
Am I good enough do I measure up
Feels like a war I can't win

 I was driving home last night and these song lyrics came on the radio. The song “Fearless” by, Jasmine Murray. It’s one of my favorite songs. I’ve heard it hundreds of times, but tonight it brought me to tears. I felt it. The lyrics spoke to me. Have you ever had that happen? The words that were being sung, went straight to the heart. I live those lyrics almost daily. When I wake up, the same fears are back again. I can’t shake them or make them ever fade. It is a constant battle for me. I am always fighting back the thoughts that make me question am I good enough, will I measure up, will I succeed, am I strong enough. I have to choose every morning, who I’m going to believe. I know what scripture tells me, but am I going to listen to it. I know who I am in Christ, but am I going to believe it. 

  I wasn't given the spirit of fear
I was given the power of love
Everything I've been fighting against
I'm gonna lift it up
I wanna be fearless
No holding back no backing down
Fearless
Because I believe you're with me now
Bring on the unknown
Lead me and I'll go
Come set me free
God, I want to be
Fearless

After hearing this song, I sat in the car and let the words sink in. The song encouraged me to keep fighting the good fight. Every morning I get to choose. Will I succumb to my fear or will I trust in God’s strength. I have the choice, am I going to choose to let fear control me or will I push forward regardless of how I am feeling. I frequently have fear of the the unknown, fear of what people might think, fear of failure, or fear of not being good enough. I am getting better at pushing forward regardless of fear, but to be honest there are some days that I choose the easy way out and I quit. I choose to believe the lies that I am not good enough, I am weak, and I will fail. I stay in my comfort zone believing I will never be what I dream to be. My deepest passions stir in my heart and I just brush them aside and let fear win. It’s so easy to do that, but easy is never fulfilling. 

 I always believed the safety of my comfort zone was where I wanted to be. I thought it made me happy and fulfilled. Until one day I did something different, I faced a fear. I stepped out of my comfort zone and I felt it. I felt God at work. I experienced His power and strength. Is that what fear was keeping me from? Was fear keeping me from experiencing God? Was I missing out? I thought I was content and happy with playing it safe all the time, but once I experienced God to that magnitude, I couldn’t go back. I realized I could no longer live a life where I was constantly in my comfort zone. When I stay there too long I become restless. I crave more of God and the only way I get more of Him is to let go and let Him lead me, regardless of my fears.

I feel fear every single day. You can call it fear or call it anxiety, but whatever it is, it sucks. I honestly hate that about myself. I wish I wasn’t so fearful of EVERYTHING. The amazing thing about fear is, the more you conquer it, the less it seems to hinder you. It’s almost like you're calling its bluff. You face a fear and then look back like.....what? You lied to me. That wasn’t that scary. I did it. I succeeded. Every time I choose to step out of comfort zone I remember the past experiences when fear lied to me. The more I push forward and conquer fear the more experiences I can look back on and be encouraged by God’s faithfulness. The experiences give me more confidence, not in myself, but in what God has done in my heart. I see His strength every time I face a fear. I see a boldness that is not of me . Every morning I wake up and my anxious mind tells me, Kara you just aren’t good enough.  I’ve learned not to believe it. It is so important to constantly remind myself of who I am by reading scripture and being in prayer. It is odd to me how over night my mind can become so weak. Every morning I have to go to God for a reminder of who I am.  I’ve went most of my life believing the lies that I would always be  timid, insecure, weak, and a quitter. Honestly in my flesh that’s exactly who I am, but I know where my strength comes from, it comes only from the Lord. When I go to Him, I find my confidence. I see His strength in my weakness. I guess that is why I cried so hard in the car last night. I was reminded once again how great our God is. I was able to praise Him and thank Him for what He does in my life every single day. 

All the glory and honor is yours Father!

 Don’t let fear lie to you, don’t let it steal your purpose and joy, step out in faith, face a fear, get out of  your comfort zone and in return you will experience all that God has in store for you. 

One of my favorite authors always says, 

"If your dreams don't scare you, you aren't dreaming big enough"

2 Timothy 1:7

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

Hebrews 13:6

So we can say with confidence,

“The Lord is my helper,

so I will have no fear.

What can mere people do to me?”

1 Corinthians 16:13

Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong.