Unanswered Prayers

I remember it well, it was a few years ago now. I was desperate. I was completely failing as a mom. I had a two year old little boy who was extremely strong willed. Every day I tried to parent lovingly, but no matter how hard I tried, I could never find enough patience or love to give my own child. It was defeating and by far one of the worst feelings in the world. It got so bad I started questioning my ability as a mother. As a result, I slowly spiraled into a very bad place. In my desperation, I finally went to God in prayer. I really wasn’t one to pray, it was uncomfortable for me most of the time, but I had no other option. I had already tried everything else. I don’t know how many times I prayed, but a full year went by and God stayed silent. I wasn’t seeing any change and with each day, I grew more and more irritated not only with God, but with my situation.

I’m sure you’ve experienced something similar, an unanswered prayer or God not helping you when you need it. God eventually answered my prayer, but it would be His way and in His timing. The silence I experienced from God was a turning point in my relationship with Him. If He would have answered my prayers when I wanted Him to and how I wanted Him to, I would not be the women I am today. I would not have the passion, love, dependence and trust I have in Christ like I do now. In time, I would realize that God’s silence and unanswered prayers were the best thing that could have ever happened to me. He was working in my life, but I didn’t see it because I was too busy focusing on what I wanted. His movement in my life looked nothing like I would have expected it to look. 

God would teach me through the trials I endured. I thought I knew what desperation was, but God would allow me to experience a new rock bottom. This may seem mean for God to allow me to get to this point, but it wasn’t, it was the most loving thing I can think of. If God wouldn’t have let me reach rock bottom, I would have never seen a need for Him. I would have never been aware of how broken I really was. I needed to see my dysfunction before I would be willing to go to God with a humble heart. What I was wanting from God couldn't be done without Him first working in my heart. He needed to strip away my pride and bring me to my knees. God works with a humble heart. In my brokenness I would develop humility, it was only then that God could start working in my heart and in my life. 

This is how the worst day of my life 

became the best day of my life. 

I had just lost it on my son. Not normal lose it on your kid moment, I was out of control. I was raging mad. I knew I shouldn’t have been doing and saying the things I was, I just couldn’t stop myself. I had become someone I didn’t even recognize. Who was I? What had happened to me? How did I let myself reach this point? I was so defeated I ended up running to my safe haven, which is the bathroom floor. I locked myself in and started screaming at God. I didn’t even care anymore. I wasn’t going to fake it, I was going to let God have it. Let me tell you, it wasn’t a pretty site. 

I can imagine what God might have been thinking in that moment

 “ FINALLY Kara, I’ve been waiting for this. You are finally starting to get real and honest with me, you are finally telling me what is on your heart…....  now we are getting somewhere.”  

In that vulnerable moment as I poured my heart out to God, something changed. I cannot explain it in words, but I knew He was there. I began praying in a way I never had before, it was powerful. For the first time in my life I dropped to my knees, the words I prayed were spoken from the depth of my soul. I can’t even describe the power in that moment. God revealed to me what I was missing the whole time. My efforts to parent my son were in my own strength, I would never succeed doing it that way. I finally understood who I needed to go to for help. In the past, I was attempting to fix my parenting problems with everything other than Christ. I would take parenting classes, read books, go to others for help, but I NEVER once thought to rely on God for His strength. It wasn’t a better behaved child that I needed. A quick fix or a new parenting idea, those things wouldn’t change anything. I needed my anger to stop consuming me, my temper to stop controlling me, I needed to stop indulging in the flesh. God was the only one who had the power to help me do that.

I’d heard about God’s strength and all, but I never really believed it. I was never in a situation were I actually needed God's strength. For the first time in my life, as I sat on the cold bathroom floor, I found myself in need of a miracle. I had no other option then to trust that maybe God could actually help me. I would have to let God teach me what it looked like to live a life dependent on Him.  I decided if I wanted to be the mom I needed to be to my son, I would have to go ALL in. If I wanted to experience real change in my life, I couldn’t do life with God half way. That was the turning point. This was the moment I decided I wasn’t messing around anymore. My relationship with my son was at stake. I couldn’t ruin the one thing I cherished. I told God, “ do anything, whatever it takes, just change me” 

This prayer changed my life. It didn’t change overnight. It took months and years to learn how to depend on God in a way that would help me parent my strong willed child. God continues to  teach me through His word and through prayer. Those two things have become far more powerful than I could have ever imagined. I never liked reading the bible or praying, I would be the last one you could think of that would do either of those things. I didn’t believe the power they had and I thought they were both boring. In time, God would show me the power of His word and the power of prayer! I am beyond grateful for what God has done in my life. I am finally able to be the Mom I always wanted to be. I cannot think of a better blessing than that. My heart is filled with so much gratitude for what God did in my relationship with my son. It is amazing to not only see the change in me, but also in my son. God restored our relationship and has blessed me beyond what I could ever imagine. 

I used to live a life with the same temper, the same struggles. It was a never ending cycle of disaster. Allowing my temper to control me spiraled me into a very dark place. I thought I’d always struggle with my temper. I didn't think there was any other way. It was only because of God that I now have freedom. God took me from rock bottom and slowly taught me how to rely on Him for strength. It was only then, that I was able to have more self control. There are still times I let my temper get the best of me, but there is freedom in the fact that it no longer controls me. It is no longer a way of life for me. God was the one who gave me that freedom.

It is crazy to think back on what my plans were. They don’t even compare to the amazing plans God had for me. I am grateful that my prayers don’t change God’s perfect will. I often pray things that I think are best for me, but in reality they are not. If God would have answered my prayers when and how I wanted Him to, I know I wouldn't have given God the credit. I would have taken all the glory for myself. I wouldn't have seen a need for Him and I know I wouldn't have kept praying or seeking Him. I can now see why He let my prayers go unanswered. The most amazing thing is, He did finally answer, but it was in His timing and according to His perfect will. I am thankful for that. God’s plans for my life were far better than what I was wanting. I wanted a temporary fix, God wanted something more! 

If you are struggling with unanswered prayers or God’s silence, be encouraged that God is at work always. When I thought things were falling apart for me, they were actually falling together. God is working in ways we don’t understand. He is working all things together for good! 

Romans 8:28

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Jeremiah 29:11 

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Matthew 26:39

He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”