What was the purpose of life?
What comes after death?
Is there a heaven and a hell?
What is life all about?
Why was I born?
Who am I?
These thoughts haunted me. I could never get rid of them, until……..
I stopped running. I stopped hiding. Instead I started seeking and started finding answers to my questions. These thoughts weren’t random, these thoughts were from God. I didn’t see it at the time, but looking back I can see how God was pursuing me and seeking me from a very young age. It was Him the whole time. He only wanted me to stop running. He only wanted me to come to Him. For many years I brushed Him aside, but in time, in God’s time I would finally stopping running. I stopped resisting all the questions, putting them aside or putting them out of my mind. Iinstead pursued answers. The more I chased the more He revealed to me. Over time I would find answers that would give me the peace I craved since childhood.
I recently read an article about the faith of several members of an NFL football team. The quarterback (Carson Wentz) said something that struck me to be so true. He said, “The bible is really the secret to life, if you aren’t rooted in God’s word, this world will eat you up.” I always get so excited when other people say exactly what I am thinking, haha! I couldn’t agree more with this statement. I know this to be true because before I knew Christ personally, I was so far off track. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was being “eaten up” by the world. It’s easy to see it now, but in the moment I was so deceived. I never even saw how messed up my life was. I was so extremely selfish and I often indulged in a mess of selfish behaviors, but at the time I would have never described myself that way. Sin is so blinding, often times you are never able to see your own sin. It is God who makes you aware of it. If it weren't for God revealing to me where I was going wrong, I would still be on a path leading to destruction
As I dug into truth and learned more about God, I began realizing that my life looked nothing like God intended it to look. I was constantly comparing myself to others, which left me jealous all of the time. My insecurities consumed me, I could never find freedom from them. My guilt and shame controlled me, I never felt good enough. I was hardly grateful for much, I only wanted more or better. I was so wrapped up in myself that I didn't think of others. The thing is, I didn't know any different, to me this life was normal. I didn’t see a problem with it. When I was "leading myself" I was a disaster. In reality I wasn't leading myself at all. I was being led by the people and things around me. The scary thing is, I never paid attention to who or what I was allowing to lead me. I would have never considered myself a follower, mostly because I often beat to my own drum. I was sort of a loner and most often did "my own thing" but in reality, we are all following something or someone. We are all being influenced somehow. Who or what is influencing you? A celebrity, parents, media, friends, maybe a mentor? I thought I was paving my own path, but in reality I didn't have that type of control over my life. No one does. I often thought I was in charge, but the closer I got to God, the more I realized how little control I actually had.
There are so many people that can influence us, but the only person I found that was able to guide me in a direction that gave me hope, peace, and fulfillment, was Jesus Christ. I never thought about what or who was leading me. I often think it was the media or whatever was popular or “in” at the time. I often felt, if I did what everyone else did, I was doing the “right” thing. I would just follow the crowd. It was that simple, follow the crowd and as a result I’d fit it. Obviously that wasn’t working for me because my life was a mess. Living for myself only kept me prisoner. The more I lived satisfying my selfish desires the more I became prisoner to my sin.
I always thought living the good life was doing whatever I wanted. Living life to the fullest meant fulfilling all my selfish desires. If it feels good, do it. If you want to do it, go for it. It seems so easy, just do whatever makes you happy, you deserve it. Unfortunately, my “desires” often led me astray. What I thought I wanted never satisfied anything in me. My desires (or what I thought were my desires) only deceived me, kept me from God and slowly destroyed me. Pursing my selfish desires never made me fully happy, the instant gratification was great, but the after effects were devastating. My soul was so empty, it ached for more and was crying out for help, but I didn’t even realize it. I was so oblivious to it. I knew no other way. If it weren’t for God’s intervention in my life, I would still be wandering aimlessly through this life. It is crazy to think that I didn’t even know I was lost, until God showed me. Now that blows my mind. I often think I am in control of a lot more than I actually am. I often think I have things figured out, until God shows me otherwise. In those moments, I am reminded that I really don’t know as much as I think I know, OUCH…
I often think how amazing it is to have a heavenly Father that seeks after us. That wants to guide us and show us what we were designed for. What we are here on earth for. He gifted each one of us and has a purpose for everyone’s life. If we want to tap into God’s will, we need to seek Him. I missed out on a much more fulfilling life when I wasn’t pursuing God. I was only living for myself and that was not very satisfying. God’s plans are always best. God knows us way better than we know ourselves, He knows what we need and what we desire most. I thought I knew what I desired, but I was very wrong. I desperately wanted guidance, but often went to the wrong people and the wrong places. I was so lost I didn’t even know I needed to seek God for direction, but guess what, God sought me. That’s how lost we all are without God, we cannot even seek Him on our own. The most amazing thing is, He seeks us. He seeks us diligently. He created us and loves us. He desires that we all come to Him. Don’t underestimate God’s seeking in your life. He pursues everyone differently. How might He be pursuing you? Don't miss out on the best thing this life has to offer! God is waiting for you to come to Him and if you have drifted from Him, He is waiting for you to come back!
Stop running ....Stop hiding
Go to Him.
Luke 19:10
For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost."
Matthew 16:24-25
hen Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.
Ezekiel 34:11-12
“‘For this is what the Sovereign Lord says: I myself will search for my sheep and look after them. As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness.
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