This last week I did something different than normal, I prayed on the way home from dropping the kids off at school. I pray often, but never in those moments after I drop off. I often feel too overwhelmed with emotion and to be honest, I don't feel like praying. It's easier to sulk in my own sorrow and dwell on how sad I am, but last week was different. God reminded me that I could be strong. Even though I didn't feel like praying, I knew it would probably be best. Those moments are the hardest, to go to God in prayer when you don't want to, that takes discipline. In that moment I knew if I wanted strength I needed to go to the Lord, regardless of my emotion.
You think it would get easier to go to God in prayer, but often when I feel weak I want to be strong in my own strength, not God's strength. I try to be strong on my own, but God wants me to go to Him. He wants to show me how much stronger I can be with Him. Today He would prove to me once again that He changes everything. As I was praying He reminded me of His promises. Scripture that I didn’t have memorized was filling my mind (explain that one). I wouldn’t even be able to tell you where to find the scripture in the bible. The most amazing thing was, as I was dwelling on the scripture, my thoughts were becoming more positive and as a result I was feeling more hopeful.
Our minds can get so focused on our problems or struggles, but praying turns our focus back on the Lord. It is when we have our focus on God that He can change our hearts and our minds. I was so wrapped up in my sadness and my son’s sadness that I lost my focus. It was turning to the Lord in prayer that gave me what I needed. It is when I am struggling, that I often stop focusing on God and start focusing on myself. It is not a conscious choice I make, it just happens.
When will my struggle end?
How can I fix it?
There’s got to be something I can do?
Why me?
Why do I have to struggle?
Did you notice all the me’s and I’s. The more I focus on my struggle, my pain, my sorrow the more overwhelmed, negative, and anxious I get. It is in our nature to focus on ourselves, but what I need is for my focus to be on God. I need a more eternal perspective and the only way I get that is through the Lord’s strength. I don't even have the strength to change my own thinking, yikes! That thought frustrates me, but at the same time reminds me why I desperately seek God. When my mind is overwhelmed with anxious thoughts and fear, I know who to turn to for strength.
I clearly will not be able to fix my kid’s problems, but what I do have control over is teaching them to seek God in the midst of their pain,weakness and struggles. Last week God reminded me of this. His sweet reminder humbled me. I was reminded of how little power I have in changing both my own thinking and my son's. It is the Lord that renews the mind and it is God that I ought to teach my kids to go to when they are in need.
As my kids get older, I will continue to have less and less influence in their lives. I pray as my kids get older, when it is no longer me influencing their choices, it will be the Lord they seek for guidance. I want them to experience God’s strength in their lives at a young age, but in order for them to experience God, they will have to learn to seek Him. It is when my son struggles that I often pray with him, read scripture to him and often encourage him in his relationship with the Lord. He knows I cannot change His way of thinking, but he is starting to believe that the Lord can. I was encouraged by the fact that even though my son is struggling, God is still using it.
In scripture God makes a point of saying that He causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him. That means our struggles too. I trust God is using my son’s struggles right now for purpose. I know God doesn't cause us pain or struggle, but he warns us that we will face both. “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world” John 16:33. Suffering happens for so many reasons. It is often caused by our own sin, other peoples sin or just because the world is broken and with that comes sin, suffering, disease, disasters, and death. God warns of trials and sorrow, but in the same sentence He tells us where we find our hope. We can trust in God's sovereignty, the One who has overcome the world, we can cling to Him for hope.
I am getting better at accepting that this life will never be perfect, but that truth still doesn’t sit well with me. I will always hate struggling and most of all will always hate seeing my children struggle. I’m not saying I've mastered how to cope with the struggle, I often still get sick to my stomach and am a complete wreck, but it is often in those moments of weakness that I feel God’s presence and comfort. Last week when I was a hot mess, it was as if I could hear God whispering, “I’ve got this Kara, your children are in my hands, you are in my hands, there is no need to worry…. Trust me!” Even though I was a hot mess, God still showed up and gave me comfort in the midst of all my crazy. What a blessing His truth was to me!
In these moments of chaos and pain, when I feel overwhelmed with emotion, I easily lose my focus. I lose sight of God’s promises when things get tough. I need His reminders frequently and am in constant need of His strength and truth. As I continue to see my son struggling I want so badly to help him, that’s all I seem to focus on, but after praying my focus turned back on the Lord. It was in that moment of prayer that I was reminded that not only was I desperately in need of the Lord, so were my children.They need to be reminded of God’s promises just as much as I do.
Often times I feel my kids aren’t grasping what I am teaching them or that they aren’t getting anything out of the prayers we pray together, but God’s encouragement was so precious to me last week. After I prayed I had an overwhelming sense of peace that God was working in my children’s lives regardless if I could see it or not. I believed that He was working in ways I didn’t understand. I cannot explain it, but God put my mind at ease. I felt the peace that is spoken about in the scriptures, “Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7
I desperately want to teach my kids how powerful the Lord is and oftentimes we see his miraculous power in our struggles, pain, sorrow, fear, and weaknesses. That’s what I want for my children, to experience the Lord in the depth of their soul. They will struggle, but I pray they get to experience God’s power and strength through it all. That’s how He teaches us to trust, that’s how He draws us nearer, and that is how we get to know Him more deeply and more passionately. As I was in prayer last week, I saw my son differently. I saw him as God’s child rather than my own. I could see for the first time my son’s struggles as being a way for God to work in his heart and in his life. For the first time I saw it as not being a bad thing, but rather a chance for God to develop strength of character and endurance in him. I could envision my son being built up in God’s strength. I could see how He might already be equipping my son for this life.
It was hope that filled my heart as I prayed, not because somehow I mustered up enough strength to feel hopeful, but because my trust is fully in the Lord. My circumstance didn’t change, the struggle didn’t go away, my sorrow was still there, but I still had hope. That kind of hope only comes from the Lord. When we put our trust in Him we always have hope.When I keep my focus on the Lord, peace, joy and hope fill the depth of my soul. That is something only the Lord can do, no amount of willpower or human effort will be able to produce these things in our hearts. These precious gifts are only from the Lord. The more you seek Him, the more you will experience what He has to offer.
When it comes to my children God often reminds me that the most powerful thing I can do for them is pray, to pray for them and with them. To teach them scripture and also model daily how much I love the Lord and depend on Him. It is leading them to the Lord that will make a difference in their lives. What I want for my children along with others is to experience God personally. He changes everything, He gives us what we cannot give ourselves and provides for us all that we need.
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13
“we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28
“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. Endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. This hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” Romans 5:3-5
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