Shame

Most nights before bed I lay with my kids and chat with them about anything that is on their mind or on their heart. Most nights it is pretty simple and I find we often reminisce about stuff we did that day. On occasionally it becomes more than that and a few nights ago my son told me he needed to tell me something. He was hesitant at first because sharing your heart makes you vulnerable, I understand why he was hesitating, being vulnerable is scary. Keeping his thoughts, feelings, and secrets hidden felt safer. It took a while, but finally with tear filled eyes he began to share what was on his heart. He was so upset by what he was sharing he couldn’t even look me in the eye, I could feel his hurt by how his body was shaking next to me.

When we keep our struggles, mistakes, fears, and secrets hidden it may seem safer, but when we do that, the guilt and shame eat away at us. I used to think the shame was from God, but that's just not true. God knows the burden and heaviness of shame and that’s why He wants us to come to Him, so He can free us from it. The thing is, God can only free us if we are willing, it’s our choice. Side Note: I had to learn that the hard way, as most strong willed and stubborn people do. YIKES (That’s a whole other story) 

That’s the most amazing thing about God. He doesn’t need us to pray to Him, He doesn’t need us to love Him, He doesn’t need anything, He is God, but even so ...He still wants the best for us. He still wants us to go to Him so we can experience His love. He is the only one who can offer freedom and peace that touches the depth of our soul. That’s what I got to witness that night as I saw my son open up about his struggles, his pain and his mistakes. He was upset because he had made a decision during the school year to not allow a child to play with him. It was crazy that he was hanging onto the shame for that long. As we were talking my son asked me if I could help him pray to God. That was when I got to experience something special, I got to witness God at work in the heart of my little boy.

There is something so freeing and peaceful when we bring to light the stuff that we hide in the darkness. There is power in making that choice to go to God, it takes vulnerability and an authentic heart, but it’s worth it. My son was so scared to admit to me that he made a mistake, not because I would yell at him, but because it’s never easy to admit out loud that you hurt someone or that you did wrong. That’s how I felt the first time I went to God with my fears, my pain, my struggles. I was so scared. I didn’t want to admit I was weak or that I fell short, I felt so much shame. Shame and pride often keep us from God, but I saw that barrier break in my son as we prayed for forgiveness and asked God to change our hearts. We asked God to help us be more kind and loving. It was a powerful prayer because we were both vulnerable and real with God. I feel like that’s the most important part. God doesn’t want a facade, he doesn't want us to go through the motions or jump through religious hoops, He wants our hearts. He wants all of us.... everything.. the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Jeremiah 29:13 ♥️
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.