Anxious and Fearful...

The beginning of the school year, ugh…It’s been rough over here in the Rortvedt home… There is something about the unknown, uncomfortable, and the uncontrollable circumstances that come with going to school that brings out so much fear, emotion and anxiety in my son. The first couple weeks of school have not only been hard for my son, but for me too. In my emotional, fearful and worrisome mind I tend to want to shelter my son. My own experience with anxiety and fear have been debilitating and for that reason I want to shelter my son from feeling those same feelings. I would do ANYTHING, I mean ANYTHING if I could prevent my son from having to struggle the way I do, but the sad reality is…. I cannot prevent that from happening.

Struggling is inevitable, We will all struggle some way and somehow. That truth used to leave me feeling defeated and without hope, but the last few years God has shown me His power in the midst of my struggles. It hasn’t been in my strengths that I've experienced anything powerful in my life, but actually the opposite. It has been seeing God work in my weaknesses that have changed my life. I’ve always doubted God’s strength and often times His existence....I never thought He could change a person like me, but after watching Him transform my life the last few years I have to admit... I FINALLY believe….

My struggles, they have been painful, heartbreaking, and filled with sorrow, but God is the only One who is able to take the most horrendous and awful things in our life and create good from them. Through my struggles God has taught me how to trust, has shown me the power He can have in my life when I believe, He has grown me closer to Him, and has taught me how to fight. He has given me hope, encouragement, and peace and He has developed humility, love and empathy in my heart. I could go on and on about the ways God has changed me for the better and most all of it has come through my struggles.

This truth gives me hope as I watch my son struggle. I used to try and prevent my kids from struggling, but now I see the benefit in equipping them rather than sheltering them. I want my children to be prepared to fight. We cannot prevent the struggle, but we can be ready for it. The last couple weeks have been so hard for my son….the tears, the nervous stomach ache, the fear, the lies, they have been all consuming... but the truth is, those things aren’t more powerful than our God. As I've gotten to walk alongside my son the last couple weeks speaking truth into His life and modeling what it looks like to walk in the Lord's strength has been a blessing in both of our lives. I've seen my son slowly conquering his fear, pushing through the insecurity and lies that want to stop him. I’ve been encouraged as I watch my son building his foundation on God’s truth. I can see him building confidence in who God created him to be, not in who he thinks he is or what the lies whisper to him. He is learning to trust the truth rather than believe the lies. It’s been so powerful to watch him grow.

The last few weeks the kids and I have been doing a bible study every morning and on the way to school we pray, thanking God for helping us be strong and brave! There is something about prayer and God's truth that is not only comforting, but so very powerful. God's Word and prayer has a way of turning our focus off of ourselves and onto the Lord. When we allow our fears, insecurities and anxious mind consume us, we are essentially putting the focus on ourselves. That’s our natural tendency, but the more I stay discipline in seeking the Lord the more and more my thoughts and focus are on God rather than myself. My son’s anxious thoughts and fears don’t always leave him, they don’t always leave me either, but that doesn’t mean we have to focus on them. Trying in our own effort not to focus on the lies, the fear, the anxious thoughts doesn’t work, but when we seek the Lord it is God who is able to change our focus.

There are things that will prevent us from growth and the one thing that my son tends to do is make excuses for his anxious mind, for his fear, and lack of confidence. I see him wanting to settle for average, He doesn’t want to fight. He wants to believe that his weaknesses make him who he is, but he's believing a lie. He has to fight against the lies. If we aren’t fighting we are settling. Even though we struggle doesn’t mean we have to settle in our weaknesses. I used to always settle, but now I’ve learned how to fight. I used to think I’d always be anxious in my mind, fearful and lacking inner confidence, but as I seek the Lord I've been discovering that's not at all who I am. As I've been stepping out in faith trusting that God will provide me the strength I need, regardless of my fear, anxious thoughts or insecurities, I’ve learned how to walk in the Lord’s strength. NO it is not easy, but it’s worth it. The blessing doesn’t come until after you step out and that’s what I’ve been trying to teach my son. If he nevers steps out into the unknown and the uncomfortable he will never get the opportunity to see how God will be able to provide for him. It’s amazing to witness what God can do in the hearts of those who seek Him. We do not have to live without hope because when we seek the Lord we always have the strength we need.

2 Corinthians 12:8-9
Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away (struggle/weakness) . 9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.