Perfection

Perfection………….
I’ve been thinking on that word the last few days. I find it interesting that I don’t know what it feels like or looks like, yet there is something deep within me that desperately wants it. Society would probably referred to me as a “perfectionist”, that title fits my personality well..... 🙄 🤦‍♀️ I swear I was born that way, created to want perfection. It’s always been in my nature. I don’t ever remember a time that I haven’t wanted it. This deep desire for perfection has paved this crazy path in my life. A path of chasing after “better” or “more” in hopes that maybe I will achieve a standard that will finally be good enough...."perfect” enough.

I’ve been on that path most of my life, aimlessly and carelessly traveling down a path that was leading me nowhere. I never took the time to think about what I was chasing after exactly. Was it worth my time and effort spending every day of my life pursuing “perfection”, pursuing more, better, greater or newer? That pursuit has proven to be useless because regardless of how much I attained or achieved, the standard I met was never good enough, it never satisfied.

I've been pondering that lately. Does my deep rooted desire for perfection point to how badly my soul desires and needs the Lord. I haven't always looked at it that way, but that thought makes sense to me. I can see it in how I tried to pursue the “perfect” soulmate, “perfect” beauty, raising “perfect” kids, designing the “perfect” home, attaining the “perfect” body, so on and so forth... I thought if I attained "perfection" I'd find fullfilment, but that never happened because I could never reach a standard that was " perfect " enough... I'm starting to wonder if the “perfection” I think I want in this world is actually my soul longing to be in a perfect Heaven with a perfect God. I believe I will only be fully satisfied when my soul is where it belongs.

Everytime I start to long for perfection here on earth it reminds me what I really need. It’s not perfection, it’s the Lord. He is the only One I have found that can satisfy the soul. Seeking perfection in this physical world has only left me empty and constantly striving for something unattainable, but seeking the Lord has given me all that I need.

A song came on the radio at the perfect time this morning and these lyrics spoke so much truth to my heart ❤️

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me where will you run?

I often catch myself running towards and pursuing perfection and that's so hopeless. That pursuit has only left me overwhelmed with disappointment, shame and guilt. It's when I am chasing after perfection that the burden feels so unbearable, it literally torments me. I feel it when I make a parenting mistake, or when I do something I’m not proud of in my marriage. When my kids do direspectful or naughty things ...I feel so much anxiety and stress when I make mistakes, when my family makes mistakes. I hate my sin nature, I hate when I catch myself doing the wrong thing. I can't handle the pressure to be perfect.

In those moments when I catch myself off track or headed down the wrong path, the Lord reminds me... where are you going child? What are you chasing after? That thought makes me refocus, it helps me turn my focus back on the Lord and away from my pursuit of perfection. I've learned that I don't have to carry that kind of burden, the burden to be perfect. It's because of Jesus' death and resurrection that we have that kind of freedom. He died so we could be free from the burden of our sin and imperfection. All we need to do is go to Him. His grace is all we need, not perfection. This life isn’t about how “good” we can be or the amount of “perfection” we can attain. It’s not about what we have or what we don’t have. Perfection is unattainable, good will never be good enough, and the physical things will be gone someday. In this life it shouldn't be perfection that we seek, it should be the Lord.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in this physical world, to chase after things that will never fulfill us. All the physical things I've chased, all the different paths I've been on, none of it has ever satisfied my soul. It has only been my pursuit of the Lord that has given me the peace, contentment and joy I’ve always craved. I will admit there have been times I’ve wanted to turn my back on God, run away, take a different path.. Maybe there might be something better out there? Everytime I want to give up on God, it’s as if His love pursues me. I hear Him in the depth of my soul whispering...

“ Where are you running Kara......
There is no place to go….
It’s me that you need, child don’t turn away”
❤️

I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave, you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
Psalm 139:7-10