I often laugh at photos like these because they capture the personality of my son so well. The big man was walking at 7 months and by the time he was 9 months I could hardly keep up with his full out sprint. I’m telling you, the kid was determined, headstrong, strong willed, whatever you want to call it. When he set his mind on something… and couldn’t have it..WATCHOUT…..
The tantrums were endless, daily, hourly. The early years were trying and I held out hope that it would get better....easier, but….. no such luck…haha! He can talk back now and argue, YIKES 😲… I might have appreciated his personality better when he couldn’t talk 🤣 (Don't tell him I told you that, lol)
Flash forward 8 years and my strong willed child, well….. he still wants it his way. His most recent complaints revolve around how restrictive we are as parents, how he doesn’t like our way of doing things, we are literally the WORST parents EVER, we don’t let him do ANYTHING, and to top it off he insists we ALWAYS take his sisters side 🙄 #HeIsSuchAVictim #Eyeroll …
Even though I get frustrated I can empathize with the struggle of having such a self focused perspective. He sees things only his way and has a very hard time seeing any other perspective. Don’t we all struggle with that though? I know it’s easier to see that selfish and prideful attitude in children, but that attitude doesn’t just go away when we become adults. That desire to want it our way is interwoven into our nature as humans, it’s a tendency for a reason. We all struggle with it because of our sin nature. It comes natural to think that our way of doing things or our way of thinking is the best…. Maybe it’s just me, but there is something about being told what to do or being “bossed around” that irritates me. I don’t want to do it the way you tell me to do it, I’m going to do it MY WAY. I’ve gotten a little bit better in this area, but I remember growing up thinking I could do whatever I wanted and if anyone told me otherwise…oh heck no 😬 #IWasQuiteTheFeistyOne #AndiWonderWhereMySonGetsItFrom
My strong willed personality was a hindrance at times. I see that now as I look back on my younger years, but the one area I’ve noticed it limiting me most was in my spiritual life. I was always too busy fighting for my own way that it never even dawned on me that I ought to get on board with God’s way. I mean why would I believe in the Bible, it didn’t align with my opinions or what I thought was true. That irritated me, I wanted to live the way I wanted to live and I wasn't about to let anyone tell me how to live my life, especially a God I couldn't even see, a God I barely believed in.
What I didn't see at the time was the destruction, darkness and chaos that perspective caused in my life. My self focused, all about me attitude was slowly crippling me and I didn’t even see it. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in recent years is that freedom without God's guidance is not freedom at all. That includes the freedom to think too because when I didn’t have the Lord’s direction in my thought life it was not good. The negative self talk, selfish motives, the anxious thoughts, the paranoia, I could go on and on, but my point being I didn’t just need guidance in my choices, but in my mind.
I specifically remember when I went off to college thinking how wonderful freedom would feel. Isn’t that like a cultural thing, people go off to college and are excited to experience FREEDOM! My son reminds me weekly if not daily that he can't wait to be 18... #SMH....We assume freedom is the best thing ever, but I don’t know that we are getting the full story.... well at least I didn’t get the memo. What I thought would be the best thing ever turned out to be the worst thing ever. It didn’t take long before I started feeling the heaviness that came with my so called “freedom”. The choices I made brought consequences and a vicious downward spiral. I began realizing that the freedom to do whatever I wanted wasn’t making me feel very free at all, but more like a prisoner.
Freedom looks so desirable on the surface, but freedom without God’s guidance will never give us what we crave most. I had to learn the hard way, like most strong willed people do, that freedom to choose doesn’t mean freedom from the consequences. See, what I wanted was the best of both worlds, I wanted to go my own way instead of seeking the Lord’s way, yet I didn’t want the consequences. The Lord He wants to guide us, but most of my life I went my own way and then I blamed God for the bad times, for the chaos, for the dysfunction, and struggles I had. Sorta rings true in regards to my own children, they don't like to heed my warnings, yet when they stumble and fall...I seem to be the one who gets blamed.
Often when I reflect back on the dark times I almost ALWAYS see that those times were a result of my own choices. In our life our choices will either lead us towards God or away from God, there is no in between. When I wasn’t going towards God, by default I was drifting away from Him and I found without the Light there is only darkness. I started becoming aware of how misguided I was when I began studying the scriptures. I was so blind to my own shortcomings, weaknesses, and sin. I often blamed everyone else, but the real problem was often me. My pride, my selfishness, my anger, my negativity, it stood in my way and it was spiraling me into a dark place. I wouldn’t have ever seen it if it wasn’t for the Lord. The scriptures provide for me God’s perspective and truth which is far superior to my own thinking. Our “truth” or our own thinking often changes with our emotions and feelings, but God’s truth it never changes and that’s why I’ve found it so trustworthy. His truth always was and always will be, from the beginning of time and for eternity.
God’s direction in my life and what I’ve discovered in the Bible hasn’t always been what I’ve wanted to hear, which also rings true when it comes to my own children. They don’t always want to hear my direction, but I know there will come a day that they will look back and be thankful for the guidance and restrictions we provided. I’ve felt that same way in my relationship with God, I’ve been real angry with God and have had to wrestle with what I find in the Bible at times, but when I look back I am always grateful for His guidance. The boundaries and guidance we give our children are similar to what God wants to provide for us. Our heavenly Father's intention is not to “boss us around” for no reason at all. There is purpose behind His boundaries. His desire is to guide us, teach us, and grow us. Just like we desire the best for our children, the Lord wants the best for us and He is always looking out for our best interest.
The correlations to parenting children and our relationship with God is no coincidence. It's not an accident that we see such a close connection. God designed it that way intentionally and for a purpose. I know personally His design has helped me understand my relationship with Him better. I can see myself resembling a child in how stubborn I can be, selfish, strong willed, how I fight with God like a child would fight with their parents. How like a child I often want it my way. I appreciate that God designed it that way so my finite mind can better understand and wrap my mind around what a relationship with Him might look like.
I’ve never experienced anything as powerful as what God has done in my life since I’ve started studying and applying the scriptures to my life. One of the most powerful things God has done is humble my heart. That's what I needed all along, the scriptures show me where I need to change and how I need to grow. My heart has changed in a way that is hard to even explain in words and is far superior to my understanding. For that reason it only makes sense that the power I’ve experienced in my life comes from an eternal, sovereign, omnipresent, all knowing, all powerful God. The way He transformed a life like He did mine, changing a heart that was so resistant to His ways, it is far beyond what I can even comprehend and for that reason I am convinced it has to be God.
We are all given free will so we have the ability to choose, that means we have the freedom to choose who we follow. Even though the Lord desires that we choose Him, His will, His way, He will not force us. He wants us to be able to freely choose because what kind of love would that be if He forced us to follow? I know our way often seem more desirable than God's way, the struggle is VERY real… That’s because we have an enemy who deceives us. I believed God’s way was boring and too restrictive, I believed I wasn’t good enough to follow God, I believed it wasn’t applicable to my life, I believed I wasn’t smart enough to learn the bible. There were dozens of lies that deceived me and kept me from the Lord for so many years, but now that I have experienced His way, I want others to experience what I have, a life with more purpose and fulfillment. A life that includes God’s forgiveness, grace, love and acceptance. The Lord has provided for me above and beyond what I could have ever imagined and if I would have just taken the time to listen, to follow, to learn, I would have found what I have always been looking for.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:6
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2
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