I met up for lunch with a friend of mine a few weeks ago who has been struggling severely. As we began our conversation she hit me with some really hard questions regarding why God would allow such suffering in her life. WOW, tough questions to answer, especially when the person asking is the one suffering so badly. As we chatted a bit longer she began admitting to me that she has always been self-sufficient and any and every trial that has come her way she has been able to handle it, get through it, and things just got better...but this trial was different, the pain and suffering just wouldn’t go away. She told me she felt like she was drowning and felt like she had no more hope. She felt broken, weak and felt as though she was enduring and fighting a battle she wasn’t quite equipped to handle. Why would God do this to me she asked?
I didn’t have all the answers for her, but I could empathize with her feelings of being weak and broken. I was in that dark place a few years ago fighting a battle that I definitely wasn’t winning.I think it is so neat how God can use us (with similar struggles) to walk alongside each other. I felt so inadequate because I didn’t have all the answers, but the Lord reminded me that my comfort, love, vulnerability, and sharing how the Lord had worked in my life would be enough. As we talked I began seeing similarities in how distorted our perspectives were in our suffering. I remember thinking the same way she was thinking in that moment. We both had this idea in our head that if we tried hard enough, if we just mustered up enough strength we would find relief from the suffering. We thought we could somehow control it, but no matter how much we tried... the suffering remained. No amount of counseling, books, medication, prayer, family support was able to eliminate the suffering. Why wasn't anything working?
I remember feeling that way. I even did the religious thing and would pray and pray and pray... that didn't even work.. UGH… I used to think God worked according to my time table, but I soon learned He only works on His own time. I realized when I seek Him and pray to Him, He’s not like a genie in a bottle, He doesn’t just grant me everything I ask. (Sidenote: good thing for that because I’ve prayed for things in my past that I’m glad He didn’t answer. YIKES.) God doesn’t magically make us better or take the suffering away because we asked (I used to think that way). That skewed perspective was what fueled my downward spiral. I thought God had abandoned me, that He didn’t love me and that He was punishing me. I clung to that perspective (which is all I knew) and it led me to lose more and more hope with each passing month. After more than a year of enduring the same struggle I began to experience this deep rooted hopelessness that I couldn't shake. I had landed in a place I never thought I'd be...Rock bottom.
Maybe you've experienced that kind of darkness, where nothing or nobody is able to eliminate the pain, sorrow or suffering and you don't know where else to turn and you are definitely not okay. It was in this moment of darkness that I began realizing I didn't have the control I thought I had. I guess I assumed that if I just made the right choices, worked harder or mustered up enough strength, I could somehow avoid suffering. If only I did this or that, then things would get better, but they never did. It was the first time in my life that I began to see how weak I really was and how little control I had over my circumstances. It was brutal and soul crushing.My pursuit of gaining control and trying to eliminate my suffering was a hopeless pursuit. I spent the majority of my time and energy fighting against the suffering instead of embracing it. I know it sounds weird to say embrace the suffering, but what I mean is ultimately I didn’t have control and no matter how hard I tried I was unable to change my own circumstances. The only way I found freedom and peace regarding that truth was to draw near to the Lord in my suffering. Doing that didn’t eliminate my suffering, but it did provide me with hope and that’s exactly what I needed.
Suffering used to seem so meaningless to me and in all honesty the thought of suffering terrified me. It seemed sort of cruel of the Lord to allow it, but the more I dig into scripture and pray, the more and more I grow in my understanding of suffering and I grow to know and trust the character of God. God is perfectly good, loving, sovereign, and just… Even in our suffering. SAY WHAT?!? That concept is not something we can fully grasp in our finite minds, well at least I have yet to fully understand it. That used to really bother me, the fact that I didn’t know everything, but that’s where faith comes in. I’ve found far more freedom and peace in my life as I’ve learned to give up control and stop seeking the answers to things that are impossible to answer. When I was constantly trying to grab hold of the control and was questioning EVERYTHING it caused so much doubt and as a result my mind took me to a very dark place. I’ve found that my mind is more at peace and I experience far more freedom when I am able to trust the Lord and His character instead of letting my mind take me deeper and deeper into darkness.
Trusting isn’t easy though, am I right? UGH.. Trust is developed over time and we begin trusting someone as we get to know them. The same goes for God. The only way we will be able to trust Him is to “get to know Him”. When I wasn’t in the scriptures seeking to know God, the result was… I didn’t know God. That seems like an easy concept to understand, but seriously.. I didn’t know that the scriptures were how you grew to know and trust the Lord. Literally I thought somehow I could develop that trust on my own, without reading scriptures and without prayer, but ask me how that was working for me? See, I thought I had a “ strong faith” by going to church every Sunday, but that faith wasn't able to sustain me during my suffering. It was easy for me to have faith when everything was going my way, but I learned how weak my faith was and how little trust I had in God when I began to suffer. I began to question His goodness, why He would allow me to endure such pain. I constantly questioned and doubted and that vicious cycle only led me deeper and deeper into the pit.
We need to trust the truth in Scripture rather than trusting what are emotions and the lies tell us. That’s where I was going wrong. I never once thought about seeking the Lord in the midst of my suffering. Even though it may seem like God is not present in our suffering, He has not abandoned us and He is NOT punishing us. He is present always even when our emotions tell us otherwise. That’s when trust comes in. It is when we are emotional that the enemy loves to attack. It is when we are vulnerable that the lies seem so real. The enemy wants to use our struggles to bring darkness and doubt. He wants us to disregard God and question His existence. He wants us to question His character and if He is good. The enemy wants us to doubt God. Is God really for us, it seems as though He is against us? He wants us to think God is punishing us? What kind of God would allow His people to suffer? The enemy likes to whisper those lies to us. He likes to make God look like the enemy when in reality he is. We may not see the spiritual battle that is going on, but the enemy is VERY present and active. His goal is to kill our hope, steal our joy, and destroy our lives. We cannot fight against the lies with our own weapons and in our own strength. God gave us spiritual weapons to fight with and I’ve found scripture and prayer to be a VERY powerful weapons!
Speaking from experience I’ve learned I have two options regarding my suffering. I can allow the enemy to lead me down the path of darkness, doubt, hopelessness, anger, and questioning God’s goodness or I can choose to cling to the Lord in my desperation. Trying to endure the suffering without God often leads us to cling to things of this world to help us cope. Alcohol, drugs, relationships (that might be unhealthy), gambling, food, money, etc. Those things might comfort temporarily, but we often begin to rely on those things. We become dependent on them, which leads to addiction, overspending, overeating, so on and so forth. Clinging to anything other than the Lord during our suffering often leads to more suffering. I realized that in my own life and what I was doing was digging myself deeper and deeper into the darkest pit. It wasn't until I looked up that I found the Light that led me out. The Lord began showing me I had His strength in my weakness, His hope in my hopelessness, and His direction when I was so very lost. It was the most powerful thing I've ever experienced!
This world is broken, tainted by sin, disease, evil, and darkness. That being said, suffering is inevitable. We cannot avoid it, control it, or prevent it. Even though I hate that truth, it does make me feel more prepared. I don’t feel as though I’ll be blindsided the next time. The more I seek the Lord the more I am able to see my life and my suffering through an eternal lens. My attitude and perspective regarding suffering has changed drastically. I didn’t do that in my own efforts, the Lord did that through His scripture. Even though I don’t necessarily want to EVER suffer to the extent I have in the past, I do hope and pray that if I do, my faith and trust in the Lord will not be shaken. I hope next time I find myself struggling, I don’t resort back to old habits of questioning and doubting. I desire to be able to pray that God uses my suffering for good instead of praying for my suffering to go away. That He uses my suffering to create in me a more empathetic heart, so I can comfort others who are suffering. That He uses my suffering to change my desires, so I grow to desire Him more than I desire my own comfort and happiness. That He uses my suffering to grow me in my character and that He changes my heart and perspective to align more with Christ. I want my suffering to draw me closer and more dependent on the Lord rather than push me away from Him. I want my suffering to bring glory to the Lord instead of allowing the enemy to use it to spiral me down to the bottom.
I cannot fathom how it would feel to lose a loved one or a child. I cannot even imagine how hard it would be to have to fight cancer or to live with a condition that causes a lot of physical pain. I have friends that have had to endure these kind of things and I have shed so many tears. I will admit, I am often at a loss for what to say or how to comfort those suffering so severely. I often feel helpless and limited in how I can help, but the Lord always reminds me that I will never be able to provide for my loved ones all that they need. We are very limited when it comes to comforting and helping those that we love, we can only do so much, but the Lord….. He can do immeasurably more! We often try to endure the pain, suffering, and trials of this life alone (which I used to do), but the Lord didn’t create us to walk this life alone. He created us to walk alongside Him, to be in a relationship with Him and then to walk alongside each other as we encourage, love, and comfort those that are suffering. Even though my tendency in my suffering is to push away from God and others, I’ve seen and experienced how important it is to cling to the Lord first and foremost and at the same time not try and hide my struggles from those I trust and love most.
Lastly…...In the midst of my friends suffering and pain, she accepted my offer to study scripture together on a weekly basis. I cannot offer her much, but I can help lead her to where her Help comes from...The Lord….. He has changed everything for me and my friend has already seen His power in the few times we’ve met. Is her pain and suffering gone?....no… But she has hope now, when before she had none. If you are struggling, lean into God.. He’s waiting to comfort, help and guide you! He is where our hope and help comes from❤️🙌
All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2
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