The Spirit's Power

My son and I were laying in bed chatting before bedtime. Side Note: This is the best time to chat with him because he's trying to extend bedtime ...... so he's willing to talk more. Haha! ...We somehow got on the conversation about growing up and he was asking some questions about armpit hair, his voice getting deeper, etc..

In the middle of the conversation he said, "Mom, I don't want to grow up, but I know I have to… so when I grow up and get married I want to marry someone just like you... ...

I said, “REALLY?!?” and sort of chuckled under my breath, “like me huh? How so?”

He continued his thought, “I want a wife that has a caring and loving heart like you...and someone who is super goofy and funny like you too…I love you Mom"... ..

He followed up by asking me if I would still be playing basketball in my 40's because he wants to come play hoops with me when he grows up

Oh my gosh, my heart… I didn't even know what to say to that. As we laid there, my mind flashed back to the years when my son and I were really struggling in our relationship. Those days were very dark. I would often think to myself, "I can't be this kid's mother, I just can't..... It's too hard" We butted heads constantly and I would lose it on him multiple times a day. There was so much yelling, so much anger… I hated being a mom. Those nights when I would go to lay with him before bedtime and he would say, “I don’t want to lay with you Mommy, you are a mean Mommy.” …. deep down, I knew I was…..Those nights I felt the hopelessness creep in and after I put the kids to bed, I'd plop down in my own bed and cry myself to sleep.

In those dark days I began seeking the Lord with all my heart, mind and soul. It’s been many years since that time, but I can see the Lord’s faithfulness and how He has answered prayers. "Please Lord, all I want to do is be able to love my son better, help me…. CHANGE ME..."

A relationship that was once broken is now restored. I see what the Lord has done in my heart and in my son's heart. He answered my desperate pleas for help. A relationship that felt hopeless, is now a relationship that thrives. That's what the Lord does.

Throughout the last several years I have come to understand that if I want to love others in the way the scriptures describe, I will need more than just mere will power. The scriptures describe love like this.... "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

I understand now, that if I want to love better, I will need the Spirit's power. As I've learned to "keep in step with the Spirit" as Paul puts it. I have seen the Lord become my strength in my weakest areas, just like the scriptures describe, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." I have witnessed the Lord not only transform my heart and mind, but I've experienced how he can work in and through me. It is His love that restored my relationship with my son. The love, kindness, patience, and forgiveness my son sees in my heart, those things he says he loves about me.... that’s the Spirit’s work.

Psalm 86:12

With all my heart I will praise you, O Lord my God, I will give glory to your name forever