The other night my family and I were watching the movie “Overcomer”, it sparked a lot of conversation around personal identity. At the beginning of the movie I asked my kids, “Who are you?” My son looked at me awkwardly and started to laugh, “I’m Jett…Mom, seriously what are you even talking about?” I said again, “Think about it for a second, who are you?” My daughter smiled and said, “I’m an artist, a volleyball player and a softball player!!” My son jumped onboard, “Ohhh.. I get it, I’m a basketball player!” I let the kids continue to define themselves by their hobbies, accomplishments and such, I agreed with them that they have wonderful talents and gifts from the Lord, but I left them with this question, “How are we supposed to define ourselves?”
What happens to our identity when we experience failure? When we make a horrible mistake? When we lose a job? Our appearance changes? People say hurtful things about us? When we define ourselves and place our identity in things like accomplishments, careers, relationships, etc. the very foundation of our identity can be so easily shaken, resulting in us desperately trying to define ourselves over and over again. A stable sense of self cannot fully exist when we place our identity in external things. When circumstances change, our identity constantly changes too. That was the point I was trying to make to my children. If we live out of an identity based on how God sees us, that frees us from needing to find our worth in external things and circumstances.
In Matthew 7:24–27 Jesus told a story about two men: one who built his house on a rock and another who built his house on sand. The house built on a rock weathered the storm and the builder was called wise; but the house built on the sand collapsed during the storm, and the builder was called foolish. The meaning of this parable is pretty straight forward: Proper foundations are necessary. When our identity is in external things our foundation will be like the builder who built his house on sand, it will be unstable and it will fail us…. but when we have our identity in Christ we are like the builder who built his house on a rock. No matter how hard it rained or how fierce the floods were his house remained solid and immovable. When we have our identity in Christ, we will not be shaken! “He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.” Psalm 62:6
We are spiritual beings and were designed to live in relationship with the Lord. When I lived apart from Him (which was most of my life) I never felt fully alive or fully myself. I was always trying to be someone else or trying to measure up by comparison. As I seek the Lord and grow in my dependence on Him, I have been learning far more about myself than any self help book could ever provide. As I learn to trust in His truth and rest in His promises, I am becoming all that He created me to be. I would like to say that my identity always feels secure in Christ, but I’m not yet fully free of the temptation to put my identity in other things. When my husband and I aren’t emotionally close or are struggling, when my kids are misbehaving and I feel like an inadequate mother, when I’m not invited and feel left out, I will sometimes feel the disappointment. That’s when I start to question, who am I? Am I really loved if my husband isn’t being affectionate or paying attention to me? Am I truly worthy when I am struggling as a Mother? Am I fully accepted when I am left out?
When I cling to accomplishments and relationships to provide for me my identity, I am always let down. I always question who I am. When I look to others to ground my identity I always feel the instability.... but when I focus my heart on the Word of God and on the love of Christ I am reminded of my true identity: I am a child of God and He calls me beautiful, beloved, treasured, unique, and gifted. I am worthy, valued, fully accepted, forgiven, and deeply loved! It’s only when I look to Christ for my identity that I can love others without placing my worth in how they respond to me. I don’t have to rely on my family and friends to make me feel whole, I find that when I go to the Lord. It is comforting and freeing to know that my value does not have to be found in relationships, accomplishments or how successful I am. I feel free to just rest in who God created me to be, instead of striving to be someone else.
In scripture it teaches us that when Adam and Eve sinned in the garden they stepped away from God and established an identity separate from Him. Ever since then humanity has been striving to establish an identity for themselves without God. When we don’t go to the Lord to provide for us our identity, we end up trying to establish a meaningful identity in the world. We do that by allowing our accomplishments, jobs, financial status, relationships, successes, appearance, what people think of us, etc. define us. It’s so tempting to let others define us….. or we allow failures, mistakes and bad choices define us. When the storms of life hit, it is the Rock who will give you a firm foundation. Jesus is our Rock! He is the firm foundation that we can build our lives upon.
When I built my life on “sand” and my identity was based on external things I was so unstable. Some days I knew who I was, other days I was confused and the majority of the days I felt lost. The Lord’s desire is to have a relationship with us, he wants us to seek Him. I always tell my children that God already knows us fully and loves us deeply. He doesn’t have to get to know us, He created us and knows everything about us. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows our biggest mistakes and utter failures, yet His love for us never changes. It’s us who don’t know Him and that’s why the Lord desires for us to seek Him. “Nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39
When we finished the movie “Overcomer”, I looked at both of my children and asked the same question I did before the movie, “Who are you?” This time my daughter yelled out, “I’m a child of God!” I asked them what that meant and my son said, “That we are loved”. My daughter added, “We are accepted and forgiven!” We chatted a while about our identity and about how important it is to allow God to define who we are…. Not others, not accomplishments, not our jobs, failures, etc… The Lord is the only One capable of defining who we are. He created us and better yet, created us in His image [“So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; Genesis 1:27]. If you are struggling with knowing who you are and who you were created to be, it is the Lord who can show you how loved, valued and treasured you are! You have a purpose, you are worthy and fully accepted! Don’t let anyone or anything ever make you feel differently, cling to the Lord…..He will always provide for you the Truth!
Psalm 139:13-18
13“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!”
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